Kai NRG Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 (edited) On a fine sunny day, on a fine sandy beach, on a fine sugary island, Captain Argentum set his foot down proudly. This was his first visit to Crablandia, and he had come bearing the olive branch of peace! Crablandia was one of the smallest settlements in the Brick Seas (literally: everything was crab-sized!) and was very rarely visited by the upper classes. The negligence and arrogance of humans early on resulted in enmity and some degree of silent unrest from the main populace, commonly known as Crustaceans. During recent exploration by Corrington, Crablandia had especially suffered from careless explorers living up to the island’s maxim “Keep Yer Boots On” and literally trampling the settlement underfoot. Additionally, as the Corries evacuated, many of the crab's tunnels were raided to provide food for the Corries. Many Crustaceans lost their lives on this account. This policy served to sow further discontent among the populace, most of whom were both unable and unwilling to flee to other Crustacean colonies. While the smallest and most humble of cities, the strategic location of Crablandia is likely to end up making it the main harbor of Keep-Yer-Boots-On island (island 14, in case you were wondering). Fearing additional deprivations by their new Corry overlords, and the native turtles and birds, former Crablandian citizens have gathered in the ruins of Crablandia on the north of the island. Although their homes are smashed, they have nowhere else to go. Fortunately, Captain Crusty Kakricini, seeing the plight of his fellow-crustaceans, made prodigious efforts to safeguard his people. Fearful of the Corries’ gastronomic powers, he has turned to the Empire of Eslandola for help. Much concerned about the civil rights and safety of the Crustaceans, Captain Argentum, on behalf of the councils of Eslandola (who, he is sure, will be thrilled to second his helpful actions, as they always are, as soon as he can report them), has set in motion Operation Pax Crablandia. This operation aims to establish an independent neutral zone on Keep-Yer-Boots-On Island (a name which, by the way, Captain Argentum finds much too long – he suggests Crab It! or something catchy like that) in which those in danger of being served up or dished out can seek safety from culinary coercion – from being boiled, roasted, grilled, and so on. Unpleasant stuff! Hearing their tales of harrowing woe made Captain Argentum extremely glad that he was not born a crab. As the settlement is established on the ruins of Crablandia, it will be known as Nova Crablandia. To secure the status of the settlement, significant forces have been committed, both naval and army, most notably two sailors. But let’s not forget the one soldier and his grapeshot cannon – and of course, the renown Captain Argentum himself. His ship, too, is standing in the offing, and he’s confident that a quick passenger pigeon to Eslandola will bring regiments and regiments of reinforcements without delay. Before beginning to reconstruct, Captain Argentum unrolled a small paper and read the following declaration (with frequent interjections of opinion): “People of Crablandia, I, Captain Argentum of Eslandola, hereby declare on behalf of the crown and our worthy King Fernando – whom, may providence restore! – the settlement of Nova Crablandia and the surrounding territories neutral ground, and extend the full protection of Eslandola’s armed forces, navy and army, to its continuing existence. However, putting aside narrow gains, Nova Crablandia shall remain independent of the Crown and under its own governance, by the office of a locally elected governor, answering only to the citizens. – Of course, the governor will be played by an Eslandian; that’s understood. – The governor will be required to act within the stipulations set down in this statement and its accompanying treaties to secure continued neutrality and perpetual attendance to the civil rights of the populace. – Basically, we get to decide what the governor can do. Of course. Otherwise he might be a tyrant. – Nova Crablandia will remain open for any refugee or settler of any nation, unless explicitly deemed a threat to the neutrality and safety of the settlement. Gastronomical capacity and taste for seafood will be evaluated when considering immigrant application forms. Accepted refugees will be offered the same security and convenience as existing citizens. Until elections can be held, Captain Crusty Kakricini will hold the office of governor, his most important tasks being to organize the relief efforts in cooperation with Eslandian forces, and afterwards to hold proper and fair elections to either affirm his mandate or find a successor. Eslandola will be watching developments carefully to ensure all obligations are fulfilled to its satisfaction. – Our way or no way, you know! An excellent motto. Got King Fernando into a bit of trouble though. Shall I tell you a secret? He helped me draft this! Indeed! The King himself helped draft this letter. Ahem… where was I? – To ascertain continued neutrality, Nova Crablandia shall refrain from raising any military forces, including, but not limited to, militia, irregular forces, or naval assets. A reasonable constabulary force is excepted from these rules. – Very sorry fellows, but neutrality has to be governed by someone. – Security will be ensured by the continued presence of a permanent Eslandola garrison, currently commanded by Captain Argentum, as well as the additional naval and army assets necessary at any point in time. – One man’s neutrality is another man’s tyranny! Another excellent saying of my good King Fernando. I have often encouraged him to write a book of his sayings, you know. I think he could title it something like… The King, or… The Prince… hmm... but to return! – As a neutral protectorate of Eslandola, the port of Nova Corlandia will be perpetually open to vessels of all nations. – I understand that you are concerned that sailor appetites may put your lives at risk. Fear not! We will be alert at all times to prevent banquets! In fact, the very next section says: – Visiting warships will be moored under the guns of Nova Corlandia to safeguard against any hostility, and shore leave will be strictly regulated to ensure a minimum of trouble. The Governor, the commandant, and the Councils of Eslandola each reserve the right to, at any given time and without explanation, deny any vessel or person access to the port, or any communications with shore, should it be deemed necessary to uphold the neutrality and safety of the territory and its citizens. They may take any measures consistent with its charter to ensure its continued existence. – Basically, Captain Crusty, myself, and the councils can do anything at any time for any reason. I defy anyone to miss seeing the genius of King Fernando in those lines! Note especially, that right after granting permanent access, he reserves the right to deny anyone anything! I appeal to any unbiased observer: have we not here the ruling genius of the century?! – Eslandola grants its best wishes for the safety and well-being of the citizens of Nova Crablandia and trusts that you will hold the ideal and principles on which it has been established in the highest regard, serving as an example for others to follow. – A confession must be made here, I admit. I suspect that King Fernando was actually following examples himself, when he thought of this mission. Ah, well. No man is an island! And imitation is the highest type of flattery, right? – To relieve you of your immediate troubles, we shall construct a blockhouse fort, where all Crustaceans can hide in case of need, and where the flag of Crablandia can be proudly waved for all to see. Long live Nova Crablandia! Long live Eslandola! – And long live my good friend King Fernando, and may he one day enjoy his own again!" However, words are not sufficient to alleviate the hardships created by hungry exploration parties. No sooner had he finished reading the declaration, than Captain Argentum put his sailors to work. As they hoisted the colors of the Crustaceans (which just happened to be the colors of ketchup and mustard) to the top of the new fort, Captain Argentum went into raptures. “Comrades, you have just witnessed the dawning of a new day! A new day for all Crustaceans; a new day for Crablandia; yes, even a new day for Eslandola! By this selfless, disinterested establishment of an utterly neutral city, we have begun on a new path – a path of harmony, a path of greatness, a path of good relations with all!” He stopped, breathless, awaiting the reactions of his assistants. The two sailors cheered lustily. The soldier only said, “I can’t wait until the Corries hear about this. I wonder if they'll think it's good relations for all?” His wish seemed to be about to be granted. Colonel Lawson, who was busy exploring and mapping island 14 for her Majesty, came along the beach at a canter. Hearing the applause, he spurred forward; eager to be in on what he imagined was a crab hunt, and also wondering who it was that had set foot on these shores. “Hullo!” he called out. Captain Argentum wheeled around. The soldier snapped to attention and examined the priming on the grapeshot cannon. “Halt!” Captain Argentum bellowed. Colonel Lawson, who had recognized the Eslandian uniform, stopped in amazement at this peremptory command from what he had imagined to be a friendly power. Captain Argentum rummaged around and dug out a bit of white handkerchief. He ventured boldly forth from amid the sands of Nova Crablandia to meet the Colonel, signing to his sailors and the soldier to be ready. The sailors cocked their shovels. The soldier lit a slow match. “If you take another step forward,” Captain Argentum said in slow measured tones, “I shall be required by duty to open fire. I am under orders from his Majesty King Fernando to protect the neutrality of this settlement with any means necessary, and I am already stretching my authority by meeting you thus. However, I would be very sorry to be the cause of any breach between Eslandola and Corrington.” He sighed and sent a distraught glance toward the Colonel. “I appeal to your own sense of duty. I cannot ignore my orders. I shall have my orderly,” here Captain Argentum paused to indicate with a wave of his hand the crab crawling next to him, “appoint you a suitable camp site outside the range of my guns, near water, and ensure that you are well provisioned, should you not have brought the means to be self-sustaining. There, you will await negotiations under the flag of truce. “I appeal to your sense of right and wrong. Please do not force me to act in what is certain to lead to a diplomatic incidence with ramifications we cannot even begin to imagine…” Captain Argentum again gave the Colonel a worried, expectant glance, as his sailors adjusted the aim of their shovels, looking competent but distraught of the thought of firing at their fellow men (having, of course, long since forgotten that they were only holding shovels). “Will you accept my suggestion?” Colonel Lawson looked stupidly at Captain Argentum, in pure astonishment. He had hardly heard a word. At last he stuttered out, “Fire? Did I hear you say you would fire?” Captain Argentum straightened boldly. “Yes sir! I said – fire!” At this word there was the sudden sound of an explosion. The truth was, the soldier had got to daydreaming a little bit during Captain Argentum’s wordy speech, and had just remembered where he was when he heard the Captain bellow the word, “Fire!” So, of course, he fired. Colonel Lawson fell from his horse, buried in a load of ripe and bursting grapes. Grape juice was running down his chin and staining his uniform. He still looked astonished, and a little angry too, but Captain Argentum stepped up quickly. “Sir! I am inexpressibly sorry for this premature conclusion! Please accept my apologies,” the Captain went on, helping Colonel Lawson to his feet. “My soldiers are so precipitate at times! I’m sure you can understand the feeling. I will be glad to provide you with a new suit at any time…” Colonel Lawson cut him short. “Sir, I really – what exactly is going on here? I understand nothing of this matter, though I will certainly accept your offer of a new suit. This one has been quite ruined,” he grumbled. “Certainly, sir, I will be glad to explain again. You see, sir, it boils down to this: simply put, someone needs to do something. – We have seen no efforts by Corrington to help rehabilitate the survivors of this crab population, decimated by your recent exploration parties. – So Eslandola has decided to do that something. When Corrington failed to send help to the roasted, the grilled, and the boiled, Eslandola has sent ships.” “This is insane!” Colonel Lawson muttered to himself. “Do you mean to say,” he added, in a louder tone, “that you are establishing an Eslandian military presence on this island?” Captain Argentum opened his eyes wide. “Why, surely sir, you must perceive that the establishment of a demilitarized, neutral port like this in no way endangers fulfilling your official strategic objectives. I would be quite surprised if any of my efforts here were regarded as hostile action, rather than as a parallel and complementary effort of an ally! “In truth, it saddens me inexpressibly,” Captain Argentum continued, “to think that the Corries have ignored their crab population for so long. But rest assured, this matter is being taken care of! And surely, sir, you cannot expect me to leave Nova Crablandia until I have received reasonable assurance that my kind intentions will be fulfilled. “The Crustacians of Crablandia are my primary concern. Are they yours?” After a nice dramatic pause, Captain Argentum found it necessary to keep going, since Colonel Lawson still looked a little lost. “You see, sir, that this is not a matter that can be hastily resolved. I advise returning to your… to wherever it is you came from, and perhaps communicating with your superior officers. As I’m sure you can recognize, the status of Nova Crablandia is to be decided through proper diplomatic channels, not by the logic of force, and no Eslandian or Corry citizen is to act in contrary to such.” Captain Argentum bowed politely to the Colonel, who mechanically bowed back, mounted his horse, and left at a gallop. After Colonel Lawson was out of sight, Captain Argentum sat down and sharpened his quill. Then, pressing his lips together in a sign of deep concentration (he never found writing an easy task), he wrote an official report of his actions, meaning to send it by a trusty messenger to the Eslandian Councils as soon as he could. He then sent a private letter to King Fernando. Your Majesty, This is to inform you that I have successfully established the settlement of Nova Crablandia on Corrington's newest island, as you ordered. If there is any other faction you would like me to make enemies out of, I remain, Your eager servant, Captain Edward Argentum Having thus achieved a good day’s work, Captain Argentum returned to his ship and feasted on a delicious dish of Crab Rangoon. Disclaimer: No actual redcoats were actually harmed in the making of this MOC! I can’t begin to tell you how much fun this was to write. Had a blast trying to collect all the letters and what not that have been going around about Pax Corlandia and then rephrasing them. I hope it’s as fun to read, even for the Corries. Obviously I was trying to parallel the situations as much as possible.I tried to stick with the description of Island 14 too, with the spiky plants! Needless to say, this isn’t serious. Eslandola provides no official backing or protection for Nova Crablandia. However, if you want to build a crab-sized house… please do! As a motion of gratitude to the Corries for graciously affording me such an opportunity, they're welcome to license the sand fort as a small fort if they feel so inclined (I think it should count per the rules, because, although the fort is small, the MOC is a good size). Constructive Criticism is always appreciated! Thank you for looking! Edited August 29, 2019 by Kai NRG Quote
Tezclatipoca Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 Hahaha ! I am dead ! long live Crablandia ! Quote
Garmadon Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 Excellent build in general, Kai, but the posing, expressions, and above all the story are absolutely fantastic! You've even exceeded my idea with Captain Argentum here, and that's saying a lot! Brilliant work all around, and definitely my favorite thing to come of this yet! Oh, but I will mention that parts usage on the cannon and the boat too notwithstanding! Quote
Ayrlego Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 Lol! Brilliant parody Kai, I for one can certainly appreciate your sense of humour here, it must have indeed been fun to write! Nice MOC as well, especially that Sandcastle! Actually I have one small fort to place down with a mirco licence, so I'm tempted to take you up on your offer! Coincidently we are considering the name Agavia for this island - I mention it because in some ways it strikes me as somewhat similar to Argentum! Quote
blackdeathgr Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 Hillarious story, pics and moc in general! i dont know why but i quite liked the man carrying shovels and the handkerchief on the rapier. Make Crablandia big-ish again! Quote
Professor Thaum Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 special mention to this : 14 hours ago, Kai NRG said: Captain Argentum again gave the Colonel a worried, expectant glance, as his sailors adjusted the aim of their shovels Quote
Sir Stig Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 This whole affair turns out to be the funniest occurence in BoBs so far. Super entertaining read. The action last night had me running between an introduction build for Marquis Alkurda (with special guest Captain Whiffo) and the forum to follow the peace talks. (I am still waiting for conditions to take the pictures). Then this. I hadn't had as much fun in years. I almost jumped in my seat when the grape shot was fired. Good timing and placement of text and pictures. Perfect execution. I am almost starting to miss King Fernando. This shows that he does not let Eslandola take crab from anyone... Or, well, he just did quadruple pun intended. Perhaps we need to give him a more prominent role in our Constitutional Monarchy. Nice boat also Quote
Captain Dee Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 Nice MOC(K). It's great to see Operation Pax Corlunacy inspire others to contribute to the situation in Supernova Malto. Next time they should add a grapefruit to their grapeshot. Being citrus, it should help fight the stains. Quote
Bodi Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 Very funny and detailed story. Nice photos. Beautifully built beach and vegetation. And grape shot, real grape! Quote
Capt Wolf Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 1 hour ago, Bodi said: Very funny and detailed story. Nice photos. Beautifully built beach and vegetation. And grape shot, real grape! Yes, it is unfortunate that Kai didn't actually use the term "grape shot" in the write up! A marvelous build and marvelously funny! Quote
gedren_y Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 Yes, a bit of reductio ad absurdum is just what this situation needed. Quote
Kai NRG Posted July 1, 2017 Author Posted July 1, 2017 Glad the humor has been appreciated! Thanks for all the comments! On 6/29/2017 at 10:40 PM, Ayrlego said: Lol! Brilliant parody Kai, I for one can certainly appreciate your sense of humour here, it must have indeed been fun to write! Nice MOC as well, especially that Sandcastle! Actually I have one small fort to place down with a mirco licence, so I'm tempted to take you up on your offer! Coincidently we are considering the name Agavia for this island - I mention it because in some ways it strikes me as somewhat similar to Argentum! Oh! Captain Argentum would love an island named for him! Thanks! On 6/30/2017 at 8:29 AM, Sir Stig said: This whole affair turns out to be the funniest occurence in BoBs so far. Super entertaining read. The action last night had me running between an introduction build for Marquis Alkurda (with special guest Captain Whiffo) and the forum to follow the peace talks. (I am still waiting for conditions to take the pictures). Then this. I hadn't had as much fun in years. I almost jumped in my seat when the grape shot was fired. Good timing and placement of text and pictures. Perfect execution. I am almost starting to miss King Fernando. This shows that he does not let Eslandola take crab from anyone... Or, well, he just did quadruple pun intended. Perhaps we need to give him a more prominent role in our Constitutional Monarchy. Nice boat also Thanks Sir Stig! Indeed, King Fernando may have been annoying at times, but he had his good points... On 6/30/2017 at 9:22 AM, Captain Dee said: Nice MOC(K). It's great to see Operation Pax Corlunacy inspire others to contribute to the situation in Supernova Malto. Next time they should add a grapefruit to their grapeshot. Being citrus, it should help fight the stains. Not a bad idea there! Especially since I love grapefruit... Quote
Mesabi Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Got to say Kai, this was a fantastic story, that really hit on all the points of the Nova Malto affair. This made really made me laugh. Would you mind Posting this in the Mesabi Landing thread? Quote
Kai NRG Posted July 4, 2017 Author Posted July 4, 2017 40 minutes ago, Mesabi said: Got to say Kai, this was a fantastic story, that really hit on all the points of the Nova Malto affair. This made really made me laugh. Would you mind Posting this in the Mesabi Landing thread? <snip> Thanks Mesabi! Done! Quote
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