Lord Vladivus Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Read Part 1 HERE and Part 2 HERE. "After a brief silence, Vladivus began to speak again, and still Corocus listened. "There are many horrors I could tell of our journey through the Rakath Mountains. The ice-cold, the Ungolians, roving bandits, Reptrians, the list goes ever on. Nothing compares to the loss I suffered when my mother and I made it down from the peaks." Vladivus paused, and Corocus could sense the anger building up within the half-vampire. As suddenly as he had paused, Vladivus continued, his voice strained and dripping with bile. "Those beasts, those Caniban, those outcasts, even in a place such as Nocturnus. They set upon us as we rested. I had grown swiftly during our time in the mountains, perhaps a result of my Vampiric physiology, but I was not yet large enough to fend off out attackers. But you, Corocus, appeared as though from the ground itself and leapt to out defence. It was to no avail, my mother was mortally wounded, blood stained the sand around her. I have you to thank for my life, Corocus. I wish you could have met my mother. Alas it is not to be and you shall have to content yourself with tending her corpse." Silence once again fell across the grave site. Corocus counted nearly two hours passing before Vladivus' voice rose to the surface. This time it was strong, and full of purpose this time. "Fare thee well Godfather, I must leave. Ssilyrrlith has called for all loyal Nocturnians to rise up against the Black Spire. I may have need of you yet old friend." Corocus: "Aye farewell young Vladivussss." With that, Vladivus rode off, little knowing that for both of them, their lives would forever change... Overview of scene: Without figs: Part 3. This is the final part of the actual story, but there is going to be an epilogue, stay tuned! I tried to make the site of the fight resemble the grave site, hence the small bushs/tree that are larger in the current time. C+C welcome! Cheers Quote
Captain Settle Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Nice MOC, and good story. Adding the smaller bush and tree is a nice touch. Quote
The Yeti Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) Nice flashback and good use of the same base with a few minor changes. I would have probably taken out the jumper plates though since they were used to prop up Corocus in the first part but have no purpose here. Otherwise good work, and I like the effort you've put into your character's back story. Edited November 20, 2013 by The Yeti Quote
Bob De Quatre Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Great story! I enjoyed reading the 3 parts Quote
Lord Vladivus Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 Cheers everyone, look out for the epilogue! @Yeti, yeah I probably should've removed them. I forgot they were there... Quote
-Carson Haupt- Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I love how the tree grew over time! Didn't realize that at first. Quote
Lord Vladivus Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 I love how the tree grew over time! Didn't realize that at first. I realised that it would be strange if such a small tree would be the same back then, as it is now. Plus, it helped to differentiate the scenes. You'll have to wait and see if the tree survives... ;) Quote
Gunman Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 idd its cool that the tree grows up :) nice story Vladivus, i wish i was good at story telling too.. will try more at future Quote
soccerkid6 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 You did a good job recreating the first scene at an earlier time Nice use of the mime face too Quote
Lord Vladivus Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 Cheers guys! @Gunman I have a mother who teaches English, and I've always been encouraged to read, plus I do a lot of Teaching English as a Foreign Language, so I've picked up a few things along the way. I tend to steal other writers literary devices. Look at other peoples writing, and look for the bits that you like and/or stand out. Understanding a bit about how your favourite authors write goes a long way! @SK I was looking for a face to represent Vladivus when he was younger, and the mime face worked the best, as it looked sad/scared. Plus it was white. Quote
Gideon Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Great story writing, will stay tuned! I also like how the scene evolves between the builds Quote
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