How to deal with this?

[Tom_castlefan]

My dad and I had an arrangement where he would use his ebay account to bid on things I requested, with my guidance of course. He would then pay via paypal, and I would draw money out of my bank to pay him back. This works well - I have spent roughly £120 on lego off ebay, and he had no problem with doing this.

However, my mother had since decided that she no longer wants me buying lego, without caring to explain her reasoning to me. She has also instructed my dad that he is no longer allowed to purchase lego on my behalf, and why he doesn't really mind, he does not want to go against her in what she has said.

She also holds my bank card and pin number, meaning I can not easily draw money out and go and spend it on my hobby. Also, I would only be able to get away with it once, as once she discovered what I'd done, she'd probably make sure I could only buy things when she was there too.

I feel it is completely unfair - it is after all my money, and I should be able to do with it as I please. I have a good job where I make about £200's a month, which I don't think is bad for a 16 year old. She feels however that my hobby is childish, and that I should of outgrown lego by now, but I think I should be able to decide that on my own.

What I ask you, is how should I go about this? My mum has no sense of reason, so trying to persuade her would be like talking to a brick wall, and if I argue with her, then there is no way of me being able to buy as I please. I could always try to drag my dad into it, but if push-comes-to-shove, then he will take her side.

Any advice is appreciated.

Tom - A hopeful lego fan.

[Skipper 24]

You are more lucky than me I have never been allowed to spend my own money when I want on LEGO. I do a paper round which I would love to spend the money from on but i'm not allowed. I can virtually buy anything else I want though with the money. How stupid is that? You probably should make some ideas to tell your mum on why you should be allowed.

[Tom_castlefan]

I could have hobbies far worse than collecting small plastic bricks...

I don't see why parents encourage us to get jobs, then restrict what we can spend our hard earned money on.

Tom

[Fluyt]

That's a tough situation you got there. The only thing I can think of right now is explaining to her that, even if you have "outgrown lego", it still retains (and sometimes even increases in) value, so the money isn't lost, since you can sell it if you don't like it anymore.

[maiq the liar]

i dunno, any thing childish or immature. since "lego is immature and childish", and what i said to do was anything immature or childish she'll have to let you buy it jeez, i love double entendres.

Seriously though, ask her why. see if you can find any loopholes.

or show her eurobricks, that'll prove the lady wrong.

Edited July 4, 2008 by maiq the liar

[Derek]

I Know how you feel. I am 15 and everyone thinks my hobbly is childish. Try to explain to your mother that there are many adults all over the world that share your hobby and that if it makes you happy, you should be able to spend your hard earned money on it. I am going to have a job this summer, and am seriously considering investing a good portion of it toward LEGO (and saving some too, to make my parents happy )

Best of luck,

Darthperson8

EDIT:

i dunno, any thing childish or immature. since "lego is immature and childish", and what i said to do was anything immature or childish she'll have to let you buy it jeez, i love double entendres.

Huh?

Edited July 4, 2008 by darthperson8

[Tom_castlefan]

badger her until she lets you.

or, you can stop eating until she lets you.

or, you can club her with a badger until she lets you

Haha, I don't think my dad would be very happy if I clubbed her with anything

However, I may try badgering her. She may cave eventually, and if so, then I can get back into the arrangement.

[maiq the liar]

Huh?

Note the quotation marks. basically, if he does that, her mom will eat her words. she said it was childish (when it's not), he should act childish.

Edited July 4, 2008 by maiq the liar

[AgentRick]

I Know how you feel. I am 15 and everyone thinks my hobbly is childish. Try to explain to your mother that there are many adults all over the world that share your hobby and that if it makes you happy, you should be able to spend your hard earned money on it. I am going to have a job this summer, and am seriously considering investing a good portion of it toward LEGO (and saving some too, to make my parents happy )

Same here good man, same here.

[Deinonychus]

She has also instructed my dad that he is no longer allowed to purchase lego on my behalf, and why he doesn't really mind, he does not want to go against her in what she has said.

Sounds like someone needs shut her damn mouth and get in the kitchen to make some sandwiches

[Tom_castlefan]

Sounds like someone needs shut her damn mouth and get in the kitchen to make some sandwiches

Know your place woman!

[Derek]

Sounds like someone needs shut her damn mouth and get in the kitchen to make some sandwiches

That is horrible, yet totally hilarious. I apoligize to all of the ladies here!

[Tom_castlefan]

Thanks for all your advice guys - I mentioned it to my mum, and she is considering, so i'll wait and see... it had better be the right answer

Tom

[MacK]

Ouch, thats pretty bad, I think that the only thing to do would be to do as you said badgering her since she won't listen to words. You might also want to tell her that there are hobbies way worse then Lego, show her Eurobricks so that she can see that there are also other many other TFOLs and AFOLs, and a few extrodinary MOCs such as Nathan Saways's, that show lego building is a form of art. As a last resort you could perhaps give up other hobbies that you had, since they may be considered childish, maybe even act a lot differently to her then you did before the Lego ban, BUT this could make things worse for you.

On the bright side it seems you still can build Lego with your current collection, and it seems like she still lets you on Eurobricks.

[Oky]

I say: KILL HER! DEATH TO ALL NON-AFOLS!

Seriously, though, that's a very tough and common situation you are in there. Unfortunately, there just are stubborn parents like that and there is little we can do about it. I am lucky enough to have parents who just want me to have a happy life, so I don't have that problem. Also, I am an art student, so whenever I have to explain my hobby to someone, I just say that Lego is just another medium of mine to express my creativity! It's true, Lego IS art! So, what I would do if I were you is to do some research and make a list of facts that prove why Lego is beneficial to a child and how it is useful in real life! I am sure you can find some on the Lego home page. I would definately include the uses of Lego in art and the Serious Play program! Fluyt's argument about the resell value of Lego is good as well! It would also be good if you could show her how many other teens and even adults are into Lego. When you make this list, be sure to refer to yourself and other AFOLs as "Lego enthusiats" - it just sounds better. Also, make sure that you mention the sources of all your facts - it's very important for your credibility!

Then, when you're done with it, read the list to your mom so that she understands that Lego is not childish and/or useless! When she sees how much efford you have given to make this list, she will see how important your hobby is to you and just might allow you to continue your hobby as you wish!

Edited July 4, 2008 by Oky Wan Kenobi

[Jibbajaba]

I just wanted to add my 2 cents even though it sounds like you have already talked to her. I think you need to attack the root of the problem instead of making this about Lego. If you are 16 and have a job, why is your mother holding your bank card and deciding what you can spend your money on? I think you should make the case to your parents that at your age, and considering that you are responsible enough to hold down a job, you should be controlling your own bank account at this point. Honestly, unless you are buying something illegal with your money (like drugs, weapons, pretty daisy, etc.), there is no reason for them to concern themselves with it anyway. When I was your age I didn't have a steady job, but whatever money I had was mine to spend as I saw fit, and honestly it pretty much all went towards Lego, video games, and computer parts.

Chris

[G.L.MAN]

I Know how you feel. I am 15 and everyone thinks my hobbly is childish. Try to explain to your mother that there are many adults all over the world that share your hobby and that if it makes you happy, you should be able to spend your hard earned money on it. I am going to have a job this summer, and am seriously considering investing a good portion of it toward LEGO (and saving some too, to make my parents happy )

Best of luck,

Darthperson8

EDIT:

Huh?

i totally agree wtih you . my friends also think its a dum hobby but i really dont care i like wat i like its none of their business so wat if im tfol being a lego fan rocks hardcore stay . i will keep on buying legos until im pleased which might not happen cause TLC always going to bring something new so yeah keep on liking legos till you want dont listten to anybody that think legos sucks because all of us around here in eurobricks knows there freaking awesome

[BearHeart]

If she thinks its a "childish hobby" then how about you take up some teenage hobbies... like smoking, alcohol and women. Im sure she'll be happy to see her boy all grown up.

[Tom_castlefan]

I just wanted to add my 2 cents even though it sounds like you have already talked to her. I think you need to attack the root of the problem instead of making this about Lego. If you are 16 and have a job, why is your mother holding your bank card and deciding what you can spend your money on? I think you should make the case to your parents that at your age, and considering that you are responsible enough to hold down a job, you should be controlling your own bank account at this point. Honestly, unless you are buying something illegal with your money (like drugs, weapons, pretty daisy, etc.), there is no reason for them to concern themselves with it anyway. When I was your age I didn't have a steady job, but whatever money I had was mine to spend as I saw fit, and honestly it pretty much all went towards Lego, video games, and computer parts.

Chris

You raise some very interesting and valid points. I'm happy to let her hold onto my card, but from now on, I am going to insist on having it when I want it, and through this I will be able to spend as and when I like.

Part of the reason she does this is because both my parents believe I should be saving for other things, such as a car - I will be driving at the end of the year, 17 in December.

I'm not trying to defend her - I think it's just hard for her to accept I'm growing up, though at the same time, she doesn't exactly want me to retain a "childish" hobby. She wants to keep me somewhere in between, and I intend to talk to her about it.

If she thinks its a "childish hobby" then how about you take up some teenage hobbies... like smoking, alcohol and women. Im sure she'll be happy to see her boy all grown up.

See now, I already drink and have an interest in women

However, I am sensible about it - I don't binge drink, and she doesn't mind that I do drink. However, whilst she holds my bank card, she maintains a certain degree of control over me - I will probably raise this issue with my dad, as he is the fair one, and whilst strict, will hear me out, and undoubtedly take my side if I can present a good argument.

Tom

[brickbitz]

Having just read this I thought I'd offer my humble opinion from a parent's perspective. Your mum is possibly concerned you will spend all your money on LEGO and generally fritter it away.

Perhaps you could reach a compromise by agreeing to save so much each month, perhaps even 50% on the basis you are free to spend the rest on whatever you deem fit. I must admit I don't see why you are not allowed to be in charge of your own bank card, that does seem unfair especially considering your age. If it were a savings account built up over time that would be different, but if we're talking about income you're earning yourself then it should really be yours. Why not suggest opening another account for spending and agree an amount to transfer in that you can freely spend each month.

If my own teenage daughter earnt her wages through hard work I wouldn't feel I had the right to tell her what to spend it on. By the same token I wouldn't expect her to come and ask me for money for something if she had spent all her own.

It's all about balance and trust, if you prove to your mum that you can handle your money responsibly then I can't see any reasonable grounds for her being able to dictate what you are allowed to spend it on.

Just out of interest if you spent it all on DVD's and Console games would that be okay, being as it's not so "childish" ?

[Tom_castlefan]

Having just read this I thought I'd offer my humble opinion from a parent's perspective. Your mum is possibly concerned you will spend all your money on LEGO and generally fritter it away.

Perhaps you could reach a compromise by agreeing to save so much each month, perhaps even 50% on the basis you are free to spend the rest on whatever you deem fit. I must admit I don't see why you are not allowed to be in charge of your own bank card, that does seem unfair especially considering your age. If it were a savings account built up over time that would be different, but if we're talking about income you're earning yourself then it should really be yours. Why not suggest opening another account for spending and agree an amount to transfer in that you can freely spend each month.

If my own teenage daughter earnt her wages through hard work I wouldn't feel I had the right to tell her what to spend it on. By the same token I wouldn't expect her to come and ask me for money for something if she had spent all her own.

It's all about balance and trust, if you prove to your mum that you can handle your money responsibly then I can't see any reasonable grounds for her being able to dictate what you are allowed to spend it on.

Just out of interest if you spent it all on DVD's and Console games would that be okay, being as it's not so "childish" ?

See she'll happily let me buy console games and such. I think part of the problem is space, but my lego collection is currently not that large that it takes up much room - I use a small 4-draw unit, plus a shelf for my current models. I definitely agree with the bank card idea, and will talk to her about that soon.

[PSPguy]

You should ask her if you could make a petion or whatever its called where we people here on EB would write something in a thread like "Let Tom buy Lego bricks!" or something and if we get say 50 people she lets you use your money for whatever you want that is reasonable. :-P

[hewkii9]

I say: KILL HER! DEATH TO ALL NON-AFOLS!

No silly, not now, we have to wait for the new world order to be reinstated!

I'd recommend just talking to her and showing her that it's just a hobby and not an obsession. Don't go flipping out or anything, because that'll just strengthen her belief.

[Tacitus]

There have been a number of good ideas suggested here. I thought Oky and MacK were right on, and Brickbitz offers worthwhile advise, as well. I think that by showing your mom the higher-level MOCs out there, not just the Castles or Mecha, but the abstract work of Nannan (sp?) seen at brickworld recently (check out Hinckey's coverage on Brickzone.net), or the models of modern architecture (didn't someone just their version of a Corbousier house?), you'll be inviting her into your LEGO world through things that are more relevant to her adult perspective. So, definitely try that. And, as Brickbitz advised, a mature (i.e calm, and free of any Luke-Skywalker-farmboy-whine) discussion with her about these issues can go along way. I'd probably start with the dad first, and have him be there for support when you talk to your mother.

Mothers can be difficult. They tell you to be responsible, but their definition of responsible seems to be limited to doing only the things they want you to do, rather than making good life choices. It's odd. But she clearly is trying to protect you from blowing all your money and obsessing over a toy- and potentially missing out on other 16 year old experiences. My guess is that if you get good grades, keep your job, save some money, and so forth, all while buy LEGO every now and then, her grievances will fall to the way side...eventually...you know, when you move out.

[xenologer]

Not sure of how banks work in your country for 16yr olds, but is there any reason why you can't just open your own bank account where You control the pin number and all?

Must be some way of recieving your job paycheck directly where you maintain control over it...ask the boss to give it direct instead of electronic deposits?

Once you have it that way... well I guess paypal might still be an issue, but having control over the money at least lets you buy some stuff from ebay using money orders, right? just drop by the post office to get that done... lots of hoops to jump through but its something I guess

Heck, or you could spy on your mom (keylogger?) and get your PIN number, then Change it....