How to deal with this?

[commanderbly42]

I was pretty blunt with my mum when I ended up in this situation. I told her that if she'd rather me act like teens my age and, instead of buying LEGO, buy weed instead, I can do so. Ever since then, she's pretty much kept quiet. She has told me that she doesn't like seeing me blow all of my money but she knows that she can't do anything about it.

If your mum won't appreciate being told that, then you should A) figure out a way to buy LEGO without her knowing, B) help her around the house, be nice to her, get good grades, etc, or C) pretend to be depressed, even suicidal now that you can't buy LEGO.

Just my 2 cents.

[Wilhelm screamer]

If your mum won't appreciate being told that, then you should A) figure out a way to buy LEGO without her knowing, B) help her around the house, be nice to her, get good grades, etc, or C) pretend to be depressed, even suicidal now that you can't buy LEGO.

Choice B has been my tactic for years now; and it has worked flawlessly.

[Squeaker]

If it's you spending all your money she's worried about, you might try looking for cheap LEGO collections - not only will you get more bang for your buck, but you will please her as well by showing her you know how to spot a bargain and save money!

[M'Kyuun]

There are some good suggestions here; ultimately, it is your money, you've earned it, but you also have looming responsibility. It comes down to moderation; let your mum know that you intend to create a budget for yourself, setting aside a certain bit each paycheck to go towards your your driving expenditures, and just for the proverbial rainy day. On the other hand, don't give up on what you enjoy; you'll only be miserable. Given that you're on a limited budget, pick your hobby purchases with care and save for them. Obviously, this is simple advice, but it's amazing how many young people, and indeed, even older people cannot manage money at all. This is a good opportunity for you to be responsible for yourself, and to demonstrate to your folks that you're capable of making judicious decisions with your earnings. And, it is a great feeling to save up and get something anticipated by making good choices, and still know that you've covered your other bases. You sound to me like a sensible fellow; use your head, establish good spending and saving habits now, invest where you can as you get older/earn more money, practice moderation and accountability. Best of luck to you!

This goes for young and old alike; I'm 37 years old, and I'm buying a house, for which I've been saving for about 10 years. It's a good feeling to have saved what I need, and indeed the banks are always impressed when young people have achieved a relatively sizeable savings, as most people lack the discipline to do so. One final thought, credit cards are not good or bad; our choices, however, are.

[Tom_castlefan]

Choice B has been my tactic for years now; and it has worked flawlessly.

I am forced to do choice B as it is - I have no choice but to do chores, but at the same time, I no longer get pocket money at the age of 16, as is custom in our house, which is part of the reason I have a job.

I definitely will raise some of the more appropriate points with her, though as I have said she is often unreasonable. I think having my dad there as support will help too.

Also, I have to wait for august for my exam grades, but I am reasonably confident I have done well. It looks like I may have to wait until then.

Thanks for all your advice and support

Tom

[Matn]

I think she will change her mind, it's just silly. I know my parents will never say that to me, but a few years ago my grandma told me something like that (your getting to old, etc.), but now she doesn't mind it. To prevent such a reaction of my parents I always put some money on the bank, so I don't spend al my money on LEGO bricks and sets, I also help a lot in the householding (really, a lot) and I had good grades at school. And I think if I keep it like that, I can do whatever I want. And my mom always says (when people come over and have reaction on my hobby, or something like that): "It's better that, than living on the streets, spending money on sigarets and blowing and drinking all day..."

[Freddie]

A good way to convince anyone that LEGO is a real hobby, is to go to conventions, like Brickfest and LEGOWorld. I'm thinking that the problem is that your mother sees you building with it, but not doing anything else, hence she doesn't see it as a hobby - my own father considered LEGO as a toy until I rebuilt one of my (static) technic cars into a remote controlled one; it was rubbish and unreliable, but he was amazed and instantly understood what it was about.

You also said you were going to start driving at the end of the year, am I right? A car costs money; not just a bit, but a lot. And they cost money all the time, not just when buying it, or when using it, but also when it stands still -> Repairs, insurance, fuel, maintenance. I can understand your mother's concern of you not being able to afford one, because cars are essentially a bottomless hole in the pocket, if you're not careful. I think; If you can prove you can afford to buy and drive the car; she probably will ease on holding back the money you earn towards other things as well.

[LegoLyons]

Ask your mum if she would sooner you spend your money on Alcohol, drugs and hookers. Or let her read this thread and forum, to see that collecting LEGO is not a crime for grown ups.

I'm 33 and have a huge ever growing collection. There are much much much worse things you could be spending YOUR hard earned cash on.

[Norro]

Some good suggestions include proposing a budget. You could very easily open a savings account, pay in your check, and then transfer a percentage to your spending account... most adults do something similar.

As to the Lego itself: a tour of Lugnet or one of the more obviously adult sites might help.

Another obvious point is that respect is never a bad thing. Even when fighting a perceived illogical conclusion...

All the best and God Bless,

Nathan

[MatthewUSA]

Well Tom, I understand what you are going through. Fortunetly for me, my parents were understanding, and they still buy Lego sets for holidays & Birthdays. I am 31, and I ran into the same situation with my ex-wife. At first she was understanding of my hobby. But just like your mother, my ex-wife turned against me as well. During the time of the divorce, she had the nerve to say to me that Lego toys were like idols to me. She claimed I worshipped them. The funny thing is Tom, I actually would have done anything for her, eccept stop collecting & buying Lego sets. I believe she knew Lego was a hobby, she had to say something in her angry state. She knew her comment would devistate me, that was why she said it. Possibly her comment was a way for her to leave. A comment like that, I definitly wouldn't want to be with that woman.

Like some of the other members, ask your mother what she means by her words. Find out exactly why she is feeling this way now. Never hurts to sit down together and come to a rational & probable solution. I am confident you will find one.

I wish you a peaceful resolution, that way you can get back to buying & building again. Model On!!

[yorkiejim]

Ahh, i hit this snag when i was 13, the crazy thing is, my parents are extreamly nice and cool people (They act kinda like teenagers, not in a creepy way, more like they never grew up) anyway one day my parents had a conversation with me about my ever expanding collection (just started to take lego seriously) they asked me if i was ever goinging to give up this nerdy hobby, i simply said that it makes me happy. my parents are very open people so the gave me a chance to show them why i liked the hobby, the first thing i did was suggested by my father (who greatly supported me deing an hidden AFOL himself) we went online an took a look at the fan communities and MOC, for the first time ever my mom said "WOW, Is that really LEGO" i then told her that i am better off belonging to a supportive community of nice people than being out with the other local teens gettin drunk or high. she whole heartidly agreed with me. the second thing we did was bring out some assorted parts for the three of us,we all built things around the table that day and had some laughs, my mom then uttered these words, "You know ive really forgotten what this whole LEGO thing is about, maby Im wrong". the last thing we did was a moment i wouldent forget, that nite we went to a TRU after dinner, we then bought mom her first set the classic airport(Legend) she built it on her own and had endless fun. we are now a whole family of AFOLs (including my girlfriend, different story), hell were all even going to go to the TRU on the 26 to pick up the new starwars sets!

Hope this helps Tom

-York

[DarkYamiDragon]

I'm 15, I work five days a week, and my mother does the same thing. She says that I should save my money for college. Well, I've already got four years saved up for, and that's all I want to for. I've got over $200 saved up....and I can't buy anything with it.

I have a 4.0 grade average (all A's), I do way too many chores, and, no matter how much it kills me inside, I'm nice to my mom. None of that phases her one bit.

And then she also gets into the 'LEGO is not for girls' thing...

Good luck, Tom.

In SW terms, May The Force Be With You.

[filefolders]

If she thinks its a "childish hobby" then how about you take up some teenage hobbies... like smoking, alcohol and women. Im sure she'll be happy to see her boy all grown up.

Those are my thoughts exactly. You might mention this in your debates.

I am so grateful for my parents. They are almost always supportive and when they make me do something I don't want to do it is logical and I understand why it should be done. My mom had LEGO too so I'm lucky for that as well.

[Darth_Legois]

I have a similar problem my mum [And most of my 4 sisters ] are saying well not directly Saying: Your too old for LEGO but they are saying stuff like- "So do you play with LEGO or do you enjoy building more?" im like well umm building of course and she [1 of my sisters] said o ok thats good because your too old to play with stuff like that" i was like.....ookkk and my mum keeps saying i have too much LEGO and im geting abit old for it [Turning 14 in Nov] but she doesnt say anything about my Brother In-law who still has LEGO from his childhood [The 70's,80's & 90's + lots of SW stuff] and even HE said stuff like I was looking at a LEGO catalog and i said "oh i like that one!" and he said "Yea but it says ages 8-12 yrs and you are 13 then he pointed to the technic stuff and said you should be buying that instead." i was like WHATEVER i can get it if i want, i almost said i know heaps of people that buy sets that are WAY past the age limit .And the other problem is my mum doesnt give me hardly ANY money to buy ANYTHING with im supposed to get $8 allowance a week but im "Never good enough" once i was good ALL week then the day before i was going to get paid she accused my of some stuff i didnt know and i got REALY annoyed so i blew it 1 day before i wouldve gotten paid and ontop of ALL that my sister,Bro In-law[the AFOL] & my toddler nephew have moved into our house while they get their house build and i get woken up every morning at 6am by my nephew [He jumps on me] and im just not geting enough sleep either so im always grumpy now so that REALY doesnt help at all so i've pretty much given up on allowence my dad on the other hand is nice he doesnt realy bug me about much and hes the one that always buys me LEGO but hes like powerless to do anything because he just listens to my mum.

soo um yea any suggestions for me?

Edited July 6, 2008 by Darth_Legois_619

[Commander Andrew of 501 st]

I hate to say this but I've never really had this big of a problem(I'm 14)

my parents both support my hobby but sometimes my dad can get moody like that

my dad says the usual parent stuff like" Don't you have enough?" or "Do you need to waste more money?"etc

but i am not really glad that my mom is very stubborn she always letting me buy Lego off of S@H or Tru etc.. but she never ever lets me pay for the sets

I always tell her i am a reason-able person who can spend their own money, what does she do? shrugs it off then walks toward the check out or hits the send order button

My sisters are always like "grow up, blahblahblah" then I always say shut your face *****(no offense my lady friends) ha well moving on

Don't let your friends say thats gay or anything else or if there is a rumor going around be like Who gives a damn? then walk away laughing Listen if its your hard earned cash(like me i don't get an allowance) tell her that your money is your responsibility then ask her if thats ok say that you are mature enough to do what you want when you want with YOUR money

I'm out good luck

[Matn]

I hate to say this but I've never really had this big of a problem(I'm 14)

my parents both support my hobby but sometimes my dad can get moody like that

my dad says the usual parent stuff like" Don't you have enough?" or "Do you need to waste more money?"etc

but i am not really glad that my mom is very stubborn she always letting me buy Lego off of S@H or Tru etc.. but she never ever lets me pay for the sets

I always tell her i am a reason-able person who can spend their own money, what does she do? shrugs it off then walks toward the check out or hits the send order button

It's just the same here. My dade sometimes makes those comment (like: when I buy a new set ) and my mom is just the same. I have got all my Castle sets from her: we went to the toy store, I have money for the smallest set (I show the other two I also want), she grabs the tree sets and walks to the check. Well, I can't complain, but it's weird. Sometimes this happens, that's just nice.

[LORD DOOM]

Here's what you do kid,

Start regularly using hard drugs until she relizes what a productive use of your money LEGO© actually are.

You're welcome.

[Tom_castlefan]

I think she's sort of accepting that she wont be able to control my funds much longer. I also raised the idea of setting up a savings account, and I think she is keen for me to do that, as at least then she will know I am not frittering all my money away on lego. Also, she handed over my bank card, so it looks like I'm onto a winner.

I think the current arrangement will be putting at least half my monthly wages into a savings account. I earn between 180-300 a month, so I will still have plenty of money left over to fund my hobby, as well as buy clothes and other needs/wants.

I'd like to thank you for all your help and support. Perhaps people could continue adding to this thread, as there are others like me with similar issues - the thread could even be renamed (how to deal with pushy parents? ).

Thanks, Tom

[5150 Lego]

Sounds like someone needs shut her damn mouth and get in the kitchen to make some sandwiches

I laughed so hard when i read this....

If she thinks its a "childish hobby" then how about you take up some teenage hobbies... like smoking, alcohol and women. Im sure she'll be happy to see her boy all grown up.

I laughed even harder wheni read THIS. Mainly because its true!

[Siegfried]

You know guys, Eurobricks is an AFOL site and while we are flexible, making topics about your hard life as a kid when most people here joined agreeing they were adults is more than a little bit odd. If this keeps up I may have to start making topic of "When I was a boy" and I'm sure nobody wants that.

This was also in the wrong forum so I moved it...

[voxel]

Hi!

If she thinks its a "childish hobby" then how about you take up some teenage hobbies... like smoking, alcohol and women. Im sure she'll be happy to see her boy all grown up.

Indeed.

There is a 20 year old German cartoon series featuring Kosinus, a computer whiz kid; it has one strip that deals with this problem:

It translates as follows:

1. Mother: Day and night you're sitting in front of this computer! Don't you know that there are other things in life as well?

2. Kosinus: You mean, like SEX, punk music, and drugs?

3. Mother: Never mind.

Edited July 8, 2008 by voxel

[darkrebellion]

I never have that problem with my parents and they really understand me and respect my hobbie and yeah sometimes my dad being with comments like "Your collection now is big so you can stop collecting" but he never say this too seriously and at the end he understand me or most of the times so I recommend you to tell your mom the good things that lego gives to you . From other side my friends sometimes feel my hobbie a bit childish but they as my parents respect my hobbie and ideas so the only things I hear are some jokes like "You are again in your "lego" site" when they look at me browsing the computer.

Edited July 8, 2008 by darkrebellion

[JimBee]

You know guys, Eurobricks is an AFOL site and while we are flexible, making topics about your hard life as a kid when most people here joined agreeing they were adults is more than a little bit odd. If this keeps up I may have to start making topic of "When I was a boy" and I'm sure nobody wants that.

This was also in the wrong forum so I moved it...

Bahaha! the bold part was priceless!

Anyways, I apologize for being underage on this site...

but my advice would be to show your mother this topic of all the TFOLs and even some AFOLs who like LEGO and dont think its childish. It is a form of art, and might influence someone to be an architect or engineer. My mom doesnt care if i like building LEGO, only playing too many video games and going to online forums too much bothers her ("Mom, its NOT a chat room, its a forum! There are responsible adults there!" "no, just a bunch of adults who cant let go of their childhood! Go do your chores!") So, tom castlefan, i would suggest showing your mom all of the positive aspects of LEGO, or if all else fails, just be a kiss a**.

[Holy Diver]

You should just tell her that it is what makes you happy, and if she does not like to see you happy than that is good for her. You are at an age when you can decide what hobbies you can have, at least you aren't doing anything illegal. If you enjoy it then that should be enough for her. I have had this problem and that worked for me.

[VBBN]

Well if she's so smart maybe you should tell her to stop spending her money on Barbie, Polly Poket, and My little ponies.

I feel sad for you. Parents shouldn't control your lives. Only if your a 3-year-old. Have you told here anything about how you feel about her taking away your money?