If he isn't dead already, I'd like to shoot Jethro. Actually, I'd like to shoot him anyway, thanks.

Then I'd like to borrow your gun Greaseman, and shoot him too. I won't have anyone threatening my passengers!

What if they don't approach you in the groin?

Only if they approach you in the groin?

Hardy har har, guys! *shoots both Herman and Greaseman in the groin*

Hardy har har, guys! *shoots both Herman and Greaseman in the groin*

Hahahahaha!

*Laughs uncontrollably knocking a lever causing the train to grind to a halt before rolling foward again like nothing ever happened*

So are we safe? What's happening? Who is dead? Who is alive!

I'm not sure who's more dangerous - Eleanor or the Town Council!

*Schmelt cowers fearfully*

The train's doomed! Save yourselves!

We should have just waited in the Emerald for the Train Company to come find us. It's not like we didn't have plenty to keep us occupied; cards, D&D, good food, (mostly) great company...

For it all to end in some crappy engine with no brakes surrounded by insane townsfolk...

Steve climbs out of the drivers cab to karate chop Jethro. CHOP! Jethro loosens the grip on Eleanor's neck. Eleanor kicks Jethro in the Johnson Rod. POW!

Just before Steve does a Karate Kid crows kick to Jethro's face, Jethro backhands Eleanor. PUNCH!

Steve's kick causes Jethro to loose his balance before he falls from the train landing on the forest ground below. Everyone looks down quickly realizing that he has landed on some sort of wooden stake trap.

Jethro has been impaled. :skull:

The train continues to speed up as it makes it's way down the hill...

(Eleanor substains 2 Life Points damage from the attempted strangling)

What are you guys talking about? Isn't Jethro dead? also why are you talking to him he must be awhile behind us by now...

Guys! Calm down...

*Out of Eleanor's earshot* Grab her dress and shove it over her head! We'll blind her!

*Out of Eleanor's earshot* Grab her dress and shove it over her head! We'll blind her!

*hears anyway* For the last time, I'm not wearing my wedding dress anymore!

I told ya guys, my son ain't what he was before...I tried to warn you, but you city folks wouldn't listen..

It's funny watching y'all talk to Jethro like he's still with us. Judging by the way he landed on that spike when he fell from the train, I'd say that he's now in that great big farm in the sky. Perhaps Grill n'George is with him, make'n some holy dogs - but not Scruffy Dogs.

The train continues picking up speed as Brakes attempts to slow it down.

Come on Brakes! slow this train down!

If you don't slow it down Brakes, we're going to derail when we make our next turn!

(all the roof toppers suddenly grip the upper side rails turning their heads and bodies, as if to pretend that the train is turning to the right!)

(in some sort of strange Scottish accent) Damn it Jim! I'm do'n the best I can, but this bucket o' bolts was never meant to go warp 5. She's out'a control, and now you want me to fix 'er. If we only had use of the dilithium crystals...

The crocodile engine passes junction 6 continuing straight. Fortunately, it did not turn to the left.

Quick someone! Hand me a Johnson Rod!

Would that help us?

No, but it would help me.

Perhaps *Insert Zepher's character name here* could try talking to the loco and asking it politely to slow down?

This Train is quite rude, actually, and won't listen to a word I say. I liked the Emerald a whole lot better.

Okay, welll... the town council seems to be slowly dying off... that's good.

Do you know where we're heading? We're on a direct course to CASSANDRA CROSSING!

(begins frantically screaming and running around in circles until Austin grabs her arms)

SLAP!

CASSANDRA CROSSING! CASSANDRA CROSSING! CASSANDRA!

(Slap!)

I'm sorry, I don't know what got over me.

I think the voice in the sky watches too many movies:

Oh crap, we're totally screwed.

Oh crap, we're totally screwed.

Today, she is a good day to die, no?

*flings himself back on the roof (cutting Jethro between the cheeks with his axe at the same time) and hangs on for dear life, poised to jump off if necessary¹*

^{1 - survives train ride and makes it to LA, living the rest of his life with unimaginable wealth and happiness}

If we ever make it out of here alive, I'm going to write a book -

100 Ways to Kill a Jethro!

Hardy har har, guys! *shoots both Herman and Greaseman in the groin*

Ow! Not again! :cry_sad:

*passes out and maybe even bleeds to death*

So, this whole "karate chop/land on spike" thing WORKS, Alex?

In an epic showdown, Pete manages to tie Eleanor up in her own pants, take Jeb in his arms and throw him in front of the train, using his the farmer's fat body to slow the train to a stop.

He then uses his superhuman powers to fly the train to LA, grabbing a Johnson Rod on the way. As he clutches the Rod, he saves millions by switching to Geico!

Hardy har har, guys! *shoots both Herman and Greaseman in the groin*

Hardy har har, your gun was confiscated!

The train continues to pick up speed...

Warp 6.5 Captain, I mean Zuloo, I mean Boner, ($hit! would someone just throw me a Johnson Rod already).

We're all going to die! We're all gonna die!

(begins running in circles again)

Don't make me slap you again!

Would you pretent to miss and hit Heleanor?

Hardy har har, your gun was confiscated!

Meh, as if I've ever hit anything with it anyway...

Meh, as if I've ever hit anything with it anyway...

Wasn't the person who took it killed by a passing tree branch? Who has it now?

Where's my johnson rod!?!

Wasn't the person who took it killed by a passing tree branch? Who has it now?

They're back in the Town Hall safe...

So, we're all going to die anyways?

This seems a little crazy. Oh well. I'm excited to see what the after life is like.

I can't really say anything else. I'm assuming jumping would screw us, so... what to do...

Wheeee! Cassandra's Crossing dead ahead!

I'd like to push Arin off the engine, and then jump off after. I suggest the rest of you follow, unless you want to join Bulldog...