Movies you can't unsee!

[Svelte]

I don't think Avatar is the worst at all, just... oh, how to explain it.

Avatar was admirable. I mean, I definitely found it impressive. I was impressed!

But then a few weeks later I saw Sherlock Holmes and I thought - wow, this is everything that I want in a movie that Avatar didn't have - involving story, great characters, sense of humour, action - just all-round enjoyment. That was for me what Avatar lacked.

[The Crazy One]

I can't stop watching District 9, The Hurt Locker and Watchmen. Three truely great films.

[DarthSion]

Its supposed to be movies you don't like.

Although I will follow your lead, and I can't stop watching Avatar, can't wait for 2 and 3.

[Dunjohn]

I understand the concept, I just don't agree with it. But I still like the movies; even 3. (I've never seen 4 and I probably won't as I don't like Bale or the director.)

Oh, it's not so bad. Just try to imagine Batman utterly failing to convey "insecurity."

I've rattled on elsewhere on these boards about the problems with that movie but I still enjoyed myself watching it. Not really one I'd buy on dvd.

Chronicles of Riddick is another movie I absolutely hated. Pitch Black was a fantastic movie, Vin Diesel was fantastic in it. The sequel took his Riddick character and stripped absolutely everything else away, juxtaposing him into this utterly unconnected vehicle that contained none of the elements that made Pitch Black good. Mood was replaced with explosions. Character development was replaced with duel scenes. Drama and plot advancement were replaced with chase after chase. Even Riddick himself was altered, transformed from this unrepentant, cynical psychopath to the Chosen One Of Prophecy who's going to bring down the Sith. Or something. Actually, this was a problem I had with Terminator 4 too. Damn you, Neo. I'd actually recommend that people watch the two movies back to back, just to see how not to call something a sequel.

Edited February 5, 2010 by Dunjohn

[Big Cam]

I guess I need to see Eyes Wide Shut now, since I love the other two! Ok, not love, but I for some reason like truly bad sci-fi, as long as it's funny-bad. Ever seen a Uwe Boll movie (def just mentioned Dungeon Siege, which I think is also called In the Name of the King)? Those verge on the edge of funny-bad and not funny-bad.

I will usually stick with a movie until the end. However, I fell asleep after an hour of Ultraviolet, and did not care to keep watching when I awoke.

The International, while the Guggenheim Museum shootout was cool, was a real bore with a useless ending.

And I know this will rake the muck, but I found The Wrestler truly despicable. But I don't really care to get into why.

Transformers 2, I sure wanted to leave. If it hadn't had the humans, it would've just been a dull action flick. But with the human scenes, I wanted to puke. I actually closed my eyes, just to try to block out the horrid pile of poo that was the dialogue.

I liked New Moon. Not because it was good, but I just love that there's a series so mainstream that spawns movies so weird. I wish Hollywood put out more completely weird movies like Twilight and New Moon.

I agree with what Seigfried said a bit back about Terminator. I like the franchise very much, but if you start getting into "he sent back a younger guy to be his father and then that guy died and then in the future he knew he had to send this guy back to be his father and then…", it's no fun at all. I'll just eat it up, and not put too much thought into it.

I agree ultra Violet could have been so much cooler, although I did stay awake for it all.

Eyes Wide Shut is very explicit, I liked it becasue back then Nicole Kidman was smoking hot, but it's a pretty messed up movie. If you haven't seen it, you should, it's um, eye opening.

Also if you want to see some crappy movies, just get a netflix subscription, they allow streaming movies which is awesome, but like 80% of them are just crap, it's kind of frustrationg trying to find a good movie.

[Batbrick]

1. Inglorious Bastards was made in America, so it wouldn't be dubbed it would be just plain English the way it should have been.

Are you for real or is this just some joke? I'm genuinely confused by what you are saying, do you seriously, really, honestly in all truth think that in Western made films no one should speak their own language? That a war movie set in France involving Germans, Americans and Frenchmen should have only english as the language spoken?

Also, I will defend TDK, I know Siegfried already is against it because he hates Bale. I understand that because I can't stand Brad Pitt and even I don't know why. That said, just as there are many incarnationso f the Dark Knight so is there many of the Joker. While I personally prefer Mark Hamill's take and the recent Brave and the Bold classic trickster versions, aside from a lack of bleach the TDK Joker was almost a direct translation of the more modern Joker, who while funny is also genuinely repulsive and sick and while very theatrical is still a bit more "urban".

My main criticisms with the film were the phone cell thing and the lack of any female characters after Rachel dies. I did love how its ultimate message was one for the audience to decided though, too many films end on a "And that's why the bad guys never win" note.

It gets too much praise (Top 10 films on imdb? Seriously?) but also I think the negative reactions are quite strong. I think it sits somewhere in the middle as a very good film that is certainly not without flaws.

Just to keep this relevant I'll add whatever that recent rom-com film with Vince Vaugh and Reese Witherspoon was called, I hate embarrassment based comedy.

Batbrick Away!

[simonjedi]

I liked New Moon. Not because it was good, but I just love that there's a series so mainstream that spawns movies so weird. I wish Hollywood put out more completely weird movies like Twilight and New Moon.

Wait till the 3rd or 4th film is in cinemas. There is some really really messed up bits in it (even by twilight standards).

The worse films i have ever seen are the [lol fart jokes and pop culture references] Movies.

I payed to see meet the Spartans at the cinema i didn't laugh once.

[Tyrant]

I wasn't bashing, I was just saying I don't need to/want to think about the whole time travel thing to enjoy the movies, and thinking about it can just get me confused. I think T3 actually is fun even by your definition, but I use fun to mean entertaining, sometimes. I personally classify a scene where someone says "I'll be baack," then a pause, then him smashing through the front door to be hilarious and fun, in a very good way. T2 wasn't "fun" I guess, it's my least favorite of the three anyway.

I know you weren't bashing. That was more of a summary of my thought than anything adressing you personally. Also, I agree there are fun moments. I also tried to stick with 1 and 2 when I was mentioning serious vs fun because things took a hit with part 3 on that front. That's not to say there's anything wrong with having fun with the movie (I think they are very entertaining, personally), just that it was meant to be more than a scifi action fest (no matter what it has drifted towards).

I understand the concept, I just don't agree with it. But I still like the movies; even 3. (I've never seen 4 and I probably won't as I don't like Bale or the director.)

If I may ask, what part do you disagree with?

Movies in foreign languages should be done in a foreign language. It's "real" that way. You must have been really angry with all that Navi talk in Avatar, why couldn't James Cameron just given them an accent like in other sci-fi movies? It was made in America... wait, Cameron's Canadian, that explains it!

I know this was directed at someone else, but I would like to throw out my opinion on the topic. Personally, I'm split on it. Even though I generally don't mind subtitles, they add nothing to the movie for me. For me, it means I have to read the script instead of hear it in a language I can understand (and again, I don't mind reading it). The way I look at it, there's no need for it except when you are trying to show that some characters are speaking a different language than the other folks in the movie. Otherwise, I believe it is generally understood that characters are speaking their proper languages and we are hearing it in a way we can understand. I get the novelty of it, but I feel it is mostly unnecessary.

From a more practical standpoint, it can be bad for business. I hate to say this, but most people don't go to the movies to read. In the US at least. That's important because these are primarily American movies made with the US audience primarily in mind. It just doesn't make sense from Hollywood's perspective to make movies that way (most of the time). For instance, is anyone really going to be critical of Gladiator because it was in English? The Hunt for Red October or Valkyrie even though they go the extra step of illustrating that the characters are understood to not actually be speaking English? The occasional venture like Apocalypto or The Passion (both made by the same man, it should be noted) notwithstanding, American movies simply aren't made in their original languages. Again, I've got nothing against it but it really isn't overly practical. Now, the situation I mentioned above where there are multiple languages in a film and this needs to be illustrated, they break out the subtitles for that quite a bit and it works. Or they could do like Hostel and have several languages and no subtitles at all. I'm fine with subtitles, but most complaints will be against them and it's an understandable complaint given that the vast majority of American movies are in English so movies that go a different route are going against the grain.

As for the actual topic and not potential derailment, I can't think of many movies I regret watching. I've watched some truly terrible movies so to be honest when I see lists like this I find out that other people seem to have much higher thresholds for what they call bad movies. I used to regularly watch the movies on USA's Up All Night and Joe Bob Briggs on TNT (and TMC before that) before those two stations decided to try to become respectable. Along with that, HBO used to run bad sci fi and horror movies at night (they may still, our cable company restructured about a year ago and keeping HBO wasn't a viable option given the new set up so I have no clue what their programming schedule is like anymore). Between those, I saw such classics as Hell Comes to Frog Town, Motel Hell, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown, and Troll 2. Most (not all, but most) more recent movies really can't come close to that level of bad. Battlefield Earth gives it a pretty good attempt though. So, I guess there aren't many movies (and none come immediately to mind) movies I regret watching. There are plenty I am in no rush to watch again but I usually don't feel like I wasted my time watching a movie because I really like watching movies.

Edit to add: I never saw the movies but I wish I could unsee the previews for Meet the Spartans, Dance Flick and Disaster Movie. The previews are enough to remind those movies were actually made.

Edited February 6, 2010 by Tyrant

[Siegfried]

Also, I will defend TDK, I know Siegfried already is against it because he hates Bale.

I'd just like to say that I don't hate Bale. I just expect actors to be able to act. Call me picky, if you like. I can tolerate him in The Prestige as it's such a great movie (one which he and oddly Cain almost ruin), but The Dark Knight has so little to distract me.

While I personally prefer Mark Hamill's take and the recent Brave and the Bold classic trickster versions, aside from a lack of bleach the TDK Joker was almost a direct translation of the more modern Joker, who while funny is also genuinely repulsive and sick and while very theatrical is still a bit more "urban".

I'd really appreciate it if you could share some of what you find funny. The only thing that was for me is the "magic trick" scene.

If I may ask, what part do you disagree with?

Mostly the entire concept that a time loop as complicated as the one in Terminator is changeable. The initial story of The Terminator was smart;

John Conner, knowing that Kyle Reece was his father give him a photo of Sarah and probably shares stories of her. John is a successful leader probably because he has the confidence to keep fighting a unfair battle, which Skynet underestimates. Skynet, which had invented time travel, but is too scared to use it, realises too late the Conner is winning and sends a single Terminator to kill Sarah in an attempt to alter time. John, doing what he knew he had to do, sends Kyle to protect Sarah and destroys the Time Machine.

Once Sarah and Kyle meet, it's quite clear how much Kyle idolises Sarah, and for one reason or another they boff, and by some miracle of nature he's really fertile and so is she and that's all they need. He dies... and Sarah being the time travelling genius instantly realises that her new baby is the child that the future Skynet fears and goes off to prepare.

I don't know about you, but to me that is a far fetched story, but it worked for me as I saw it operating under the belief that time is constant. Any "change" made is pre-destined and thus will have zero effect. A great example of that is 12 Monkeys.) I especially like the idea that Skynet was it's own destroyer. But the way it is in Terminator 2 makes it clear that the way things were was a quite remarkable series of events, one that would be messed up by a single bit of randomness, such as Sarah "not being in the mood". It's a bit much for me to believe that in a universe with changeable time and multiple realities that the future portrayed in The Terminator would be even vaguely likely.

In short, I don't think stories with complicated time loops and changeable time should be linked. They are very hard to write. One I do like is "The End of Eternity" by Asimov.

[Princess Muttonchops]

Movies you can't unsee? Hmm, where to start? Number one candidate would have to be Eyes Wide Shut. That was the most definite case in my life where I wanted to go to the ticket booth and demand a refund for the two and a half hours of my life that had just been stolen from me. What a waste of time that movie was. Especially because the next day my beloved walrus was going back to sea (we were both in the navy at the time), and I wouldn't see him again for some time, and seeing Eyes Wide Shut was my idea...I'm so sorry Sieggy!!! Forgive me (sob).

Episode III Revenge of the Sith is a close second. I had so many expectations of that movie in terms of story, but because George is so happy to rewrite the details, to the point of inserting modified scenes in the original movies (grr), these expectations were not met. The turning of Annakin to the dark side should not have been so simplistic and sudden. Seriously, George had twenty years to work out the story for I, II and III, and yet it feels like he's just pulling story lines out of his butt at the last minute.

A Brief History of Time. At the time I was reading a bit about physics, and I saw this advertised in the local paper. Wow, I thought, a movie about Stephen Hawkins' theories of time and the universe, that must be really interesting. So I actually conned a friend to go and see it with me, and let me tell you, I don't think I've been so embarrassed in my life. It is such a boring movie. It more goes on about the life of Stephen Hawkins than his work. I've tried to forget about this traumatic error in judgment, but I just can't let go of the guilt...the completely bored look on my friend's face is still burned into my memory...sigh.

And just to cap off, The Dark Knight and Transformers. Here are two movies that have been very well received by the masses, and I think they are both badly glued together messes. I just don't get it man, why are these movies so popular, when I think they're complete rubbish? Arrgghh!! 'Nuff said.

[Batbrick]

I'd just like to say that I don't hate Bale. I just expect actors to be able to act. Call me picky, if you like. I can tolerate him in The Prestige as it's such a great movie (one which he and oddly Cain almost ruin), but The Dark Knight has so little to distract me.

I don't like him that much either but I feel you're not really giving him due credit. Talk all oyu want about the Batvoice (it's pretty terrible) but he does a great Bruce Wayne both facade and without facade. Have you watched American Psycho of The Machinist? He's quite good in those. I thought Johansson was worse in The Prestige.

I'd really appreciate it if you could share some of what you find funny. The only thing that was for me is the "magic trick" scene.

The entire nurse scene was a great moment for me, and becomes doubly funny when one finds out the whole thing was an improvisation. The "Slaughter is the best medicine!" slogan was classic Hamill as well. The "you never start with the head the victim gets all fuzzy and can't feel any - see?" part got me too. I did enjoy him stuffing his face with the fancy food and wine while making threats too, just for the sheer Joker melodrama.

I do admit the Joker should have been funnier, but they really nailed both his nihlistic view of the world and his relationship with Batman as shown in the interrogation scene and finale with him hanging upside down (nice metaphor for their opposing views), some lines of which are similar to classic comics and BTAS quotes.

Batbrick Away!

[CDC]

The Bad Lieutenant w/ Nicolas Cage.

Smokin Aces 2: Assassins ball.

[Dunjohn]

And just to cap off, The Dark Knight and Transformers. Here are two movies that have been very well received by the masses, and I think they are both badly glued together messes. I just don't get it man, why are these movies so popular, when I think they're complete rubbish? Arrgghh!! 'Nuff said.

I haven't been able to finish watching Transformers. My brother got it on dvd, he loves it, and I did quite well - I got as far as the motorway chase scene, which I think is near the end, because it felt like I'd suffered days of boredom and the shattering of childhood nostalgia before it. I had to turn it off and go downstairs for some air. I still haven't seen the end, and every time my brother demands that I do, I just scream "Optimus Prime said 'Oops my bad!!'" and end the discussion.

[Clone OPatra]

Gamer! I'd seen a preview, and thought "Hey, this seems similar in plot to Death Race, which was sweet! So this will be sweet too!" This is a case where I should've read reviews. Not that I always agree with reviews, but when every critic hates a movie that usually means there is a problem. Boy, the critics were right.

[prateek]

Have you seen Batman and Robin? Eyes Wide Shut? Battlefield Earth? There's a list here if you need help!

I've seen the first 5 minutes of Batman and Robin, but that's it. As for that list from Wiki, I've seen Kazaam (the Shaq movie), but I was little and I haven't developed my sense of critical judgement yet It wasn't even that bad.

Edited February 8, 2010 by prateek

[Bobskink]

1. Inglorious Bastards was made in America, so it wouldn't be dubbed it would be just plain English the way it should have been.

haha, funny remark, you know to how mush trouble they went just to find an actor who speaks, German, French, English and Intalian. The best joke in the whole movie was bassed on a certain character not being able to speak a certain language. Anyway, Inglourious Bastards was a good movie, but not a mastertpeace. I think Pulp Fiction will stay at the nr 1 spot for tarantino.

Movies I regretfully can't unsee:

Dungeons and Dragons.

GIJoe Rise of cobra and Transformers 1 & 2 were also very bad.

Most underrated movie:

Last Action Hero, every critic slamed it to the ground and failed to see the subtile layers in it, it's like watching a Simpson episode.

[commdr_neyo]

Gamer! I'd seen a preview, and thought "Hey, this seems similar in plot to Death Race, which was sweet! So this will be sweet too!" This is a case where I should've read reviews. Not that I always agree with reviews, but when every critic hates a movie that usually means there is a problem. Boy, the critics were right.

I wached a part of this movie, and I didn't like it very much.

[DarthSion]

Valiant, was rather poor, i mostly watched it because of the cast.

Pandorum, boring and made little sense.

[Raven Brickroft]

1. Disturbing - Oldboy. It's a korean action movie. The ending still gives me the shivers.

2. WTF - Can't think of anything right now. But there have been tons.

3. Why? - Carriers. Frigging hate that movie. It was a disease outbreak movie, through out the movie you're expecting enraged zombies go running down the street, sadly there was none. I didn't even feel a climax to the movie. A bore fest.

[Bobskink]

1. Disturbing - Oldboy. It's a korean action movie. The ending still gives me the shivers.

2. WTF - Can't think of anything right now. But there have been tons.

1- Asian films can be very weird.

2- Try Ichi The Killer ;)

[Thee Pirate]

A few movies I can't stand/unsee/comprehend/forget:

The Core - Okay, the earth's core has stopped spinning, lets get it going again with an atomic bomb!!! Let's establish that onscreen then get the cast in the Power Miners style machine cut away and back to them at the same time with the text "456,992 hours later..." The rest of the movie is just as boring as those crucial hours spent traveling to the core that were so exciting, the editors decided to omit it from the rest of the movie.

Punisher: War Zone - All the Ray Stevenson fans who had never read a Punisher comic in their life cheered, and criticized anyone who liked the only other Punisher movie worth discussing because only a "Tom Jane fagboy...(I mean, fanboy)" could possibly like "Tom Jane's horrid interpretation of Frank Castle.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (released 11 July 2003) - I never thought Sean Connery could be in a bad movie... until I saw this one. While I liked the concept, and admittedly the comic on which it was based, the movie failed in execution and special effects. Let me lay it down for you. This movie stole aspects of numerous movies from the previous 2 years of Hollywood productions. A few examples would include Dr. Jekyll talking to Mr. Hyde being strangely familiar to the interactions that take place in Spiderman (2002) between the Green Goblin and Norman Osborn. The Hulk was released just three short weeks prior to this movie (20 June 2003) and the transformation of Jekyll into Hyde is strangely similiar to Bruce Banner's transformation. The chain of events leading up to the submarine bomb's detonation (the camera following the inner workings of the sub and ending with the explosion) is very, very similar to the same event in The Fast and the Furious (2001)

Now hold on a sec, line break. I realize there are few original ideas, and imitation may be the highest form of flatter but imitating other movies so close to the release date of your own movie is poor choice. You see, what happened with me is that I automatically compared LEG to other movies I had seen recently. This in turn took my mind off of the movie I was supposed to be watching, I lost focus, got bored with it, and started picking it apart the second time I watched it.

You know the Invisible Man? The first time we see him, all I can say is wow!!! He predictably cannot be seen. He proceeds to rub shaving creme or possibly suntan lotion on his face so that we can see him. well sort of. We see the outline of his face, and it looks exactly like a porcelain casting of someone's face. When he turns around, suddenly we're looking at the back of this porcelain mask. He puts on a coat and we can look through the opening on the front of coat to the back of the inside of it. 5 seconds later, he walks outside. Suddenly, he has a black shirt on underneath the coat, white makeup all over his face/ears/neck, and apparently he has white 4 day old stubble on his face. Apparently the computer generation cost so much, they ended up having to substitute a real actor.

So anyway, carry on right?

Next up is The Fast and the Furious movies. All of them. I love cars, and car movies, even if the plot sucks. (A perfect example of that would be 1974's Gone in 60 Seconds) The F&F movies, they don't really have anything going for them except Jordana Brewster. The "race cars" aren't real race cars, 1.6L I-4's that run 16-17 seconds in the quarter mile are stated as running 10's and still manage to beat American made muscle cars with engines almost 4X as big. Nitrous doesn't really give the reaction F&F claims it does, there's no such thing as a power adder named NOS, NOS is an acronym for Nitrous Oxide Systems, which is a company that makes the product for which they are named. Thanks to these movies, and their popularity that term has been misused to no end. It's not something I can get mad at someone for, because they don't know any better.

You know what happened to every single male between the ages of 16 and 25 that saw those movies and owned either a Honda, Mitsubitchi, Toyota, or other compact economy car? When they walked out into the parking lot after the movie and saw their car they thought to themselves... "Holy shiit, I own a race car!!!"

I could go on and on with more movies, but my wife just called me. Apparently I have to get to the hardware store in 30 minutes to buy horse feed.

[Dunjohn]

Another sequel that took an awesome original movie and use the name to sell a completely different load of garbage (Chronicles of Riddick being the first one, I mentioned it earlier) was Starship Troopers 2. If you haven't seen it but like the first one, this one has zombies in it. Man, I just kept getting angrier and angrier as I watched, wondering when the movie I thought I'd rented was going to start.

Second that comment about Last Action Hero being better than it's remembered as being. It had some great ideas, if only it hadn't tripped itself up with all the awful ones.

Edited February 13, 2010 by Dunjohn

[Izzy]

The Happening

This was the most torturous, agonizing, painful thing for me to watch. I really, truly wanted to scoop my eyes out with a rusty spoon. Mark Wahlberg is not usually THAT bad of an actor, and I was yet to see Zooey Deschanel in anything at that point. So I really wasn't expecting to be punished so badly.

I was seriously sitting on the couch screaming at the television for both actors to get acting lessons the WHOLE movie. It was so fun and made it almost bearable to get through to the end.

Now I know this will probably open a whole can of M. Night Shyamalan haters. I am not one of them, I have really enjoyed the rest of his movies, even the somewhat looked down upon 'The Village'. But this one is just in a whooooole other category of crapness. *shudders* I really do wish I could "unsee" The Happening.

[JimBee]

The Happening

This was the most torturous, agonizing, painful thing for me to watch. I really, truly wanted to scoop my eyes out with a rusty spoon. Mark Wahlberg is not usually THAT bad of an actor, and I was yet to see Zooey Deschanel in anything at that point. So I really wasn't expecting to be punished so badly.

Really? I honestly didn't notice the "bad" acting until you mentioned it. I just thought the characters were supposed to be awkward... but now that you do point that out... yes, the acting was terrible.

Another movie I wish I could unsee... hmm, I don't remember the name of it, but I do remember it having a purple tight-wearing Indy-wannabe superhero that went around collecting three skulls (Jade, Gold, and Crystal, I think). This was quite a while ago, but I do remember it being pretty stupid. The whole plot was just ridiculous.

I also wish I'd never have watched a single horror movie. Every single one is the same thing, just with different horrors, so I really don't understand why they're made at all and why anyone would watch them. I admit that a select few are good, but those are usually not the typical B horror films.

[Izzy]

Another movie I wish I could unsee... hmm, I don't remember the name of it, but I do remember it having a purple tight-wearing Indy-wannabe superhero that went around collecting three skulls (Jade, Gold, and Crystal, I think). This was quite a while ago, but I do remember it being pretty stupid. The whole plot was just ridiculous.

Bahahaha! That is the best description of "The Phantom" I have ever heard read. Poor Billy Zane. At least he got a part in one of the funniest crap movies of all time "Zoolander"