XimenaPaulina Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 A man on his deathbed with his wife by her side: Man: Honey, before I die, I have to something to confess to you. Woman: Shhh... don't talk, you're still weak, it might worsen your condition. Man: I'm sorry, but I cheated on you! Woman: I know, I know.. That's why I poisoned you.
prateek Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I remember what my dad asked me before he kicked the bucket. He asked, "Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
user Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Q:Okay what song did they sing on King tut's birthday? A: For he's a jolly good pharaoh! For he's a jolly good pharaoh! For he's a jolly good pharaoh and nobody can deny!
Joey Lock Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 My grandfather told me to watch my health more than my money. One day I was watching my health and my money was stolen. It was my grandfather. That gives me a giggle
The Yellow Brick Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 My father used to say, 'Always fight fire with fire', and that's why he was thrown out of the fire brigade. What are you going to do with that horse manure ? I'm going to put it on my rhubarb Really ? We always have custard on ours! How many amoebas does it take to change a Light bulb One......no, hang on a minute, two......no, four......it's eight now......sixteen......thirty-two.......
Professor Flitwick Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 A vassal asks a member of staff if it's possible to have a name change, and the member of staff says: No, we only do that rarely under special circumstances
not-in-use-anymore Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 The sheep were sick and tired of the wolves eating them(the ones that were alive, of course). Sheep from 3 farms formed together to create the Sheep Army. Two days later a wolf bought a ticket for Muttonfest 2010, "Where the sheep actually come to you!". A penny saved is a penny earned. I decided to not spend a million dollars, where's my money? Do you like ________?(small cute animal of your choice) If they say no: That tough guy behind you does. If they say yes: Raw or boiled? The question that keeps me awake at night, is why do Apple and Cinnamon always act suicidal?(In the Apple Jacks commercials)
Plastic Nurak Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 (edited) This is an old American joke, so, if you're Texan, don't shoot me . I just loved to report it here. What do you call a Texan with a sub 80 IQ? Genius. Edited October 3, 2010 by Plastic Nurak
The Yellow Brick Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 There was a young girl from St Paul Who attended a newspaper ball Where her dress caught on fire And burnt the entire Front page, sporting section and all Man- Waiter is there soup on the menu ? Waiter- No, sir, I wiped it off. Why did the hedgehog cross the road ? to see his flattened mate
The Yellow Brick Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 (edited) What's pink and goes 'Moo' ? A pig with a identity crisis (300th post) Edited October 16, 2010 by The Red Brick
Darth Jar Jar Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 What's pink and goes 'Moo' ? A pig with a identity crisis (300th post) Thats actually quite funny
The Yellow Brick Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 (edited) Thats actually quite funny Thank you More Jokes - Whats the difference between origami and grandma passing wind ? Ones the art of the fold, the other's the fart of the old. What happens when someone trod on the grape ? It let out a little whine why did the frog say 'meow' ? He was learning a foreign language. What did the frog order at McDonald's ? French flies and a Diet Croak. How do you start a jelly race ? Say 'Get set'. My dog saw a seat in the park with a sign on it saying WET PAINT. So he did. Edited October 16, 2010 by The Red Brick
The Yellow Brick Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Even More jokes My Dad's so lazy he wont even go outside to see if it's raining. He just calls the dog in and checks if it's wet. What do you get if you cross a seagull and a parrot A seagull who poop's on people at the beach, but then apologises ! JUDGE: you're charge for driving at a hundred miles per hour on a motorway BOB: But I wasn't going anything like that speed ! JUDGE: Were you doing sixty BOB: No JUDGE: Thirty BOB: No JUDGE: Twenty BOB: No JUDGE: Ten BOB: No JUDGE: Five BOB: No JUDGE: Okay, I'm Fining you £500 for parking on a motorway ! Why does your T-Shirt smell of peppermint Because it's a Polo Shirt Still more too come
The Yellow Brick Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Boy: Can you tell me how long cows should be milked Old Farmer: Same way as short cows Thats an interesting outfit your wearing. Do you think that that style will ever make a comeback ? Who do you call when someone has eaten one of mums 'specialities' ? An ambulance What are Microwaves What a flea does when he's saying goodbye. CHILD: Mum, Come quickly ! I've knocked down the ladder outside MUM: Well, don't tell me. Tell your farther CHILD: I've tried but he can't hear me MUM: How come ? CHILD: Because he's hanging from the roof !
The Legonater Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 The president, his assitant, the smartest man in the world, a father and his son were all on a plane. The plane had a malfunction and began to crash. However, they were missing a parachute. "I'm the most important person here!" claimed the smartest man, to which he took a parachute and leapt off. "I'm the second most important person here!" decided the President. He and his assitant the took a parachute and jumped off. The father turned to his son. "Son, I want you to take the last parachute." "Nah, it's okay. The smartest man in the world took my backpack."
The Yellow Brick Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 How did the Bubbles communicate ? By Mobile Foam. Two monkeys were having a bath. One said "Oo, oo, oo, aah, ahh, ahh" The other monkey said "well put some cold in, then." What's the quickest way to blow up a balloon Dynamite What's the new baby's name ? I don't know. We can't understand a word he says ! What's brown and fizzy, lives in a eucalyptus tree's and has been run over by a steam roller ? Flat Coca-Koala.
The Yellow Brick Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 An idiot heard that most accidents take place in the home So he moved How many teachers does it take to change a light bulb Two - One to call the caretaker, The other to blame the kids What do you say when king kong graduates from university Kong-gratulations. Still more to come
The Yellow Brick Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Any of mums leftovers we give straight to the dog. And the dog gives them straight to the cat What did the slug Rolf Harris sing ? 'Slimy kangeroo down, sport' JUDGE: I'm sending you to prison for three months BOB: Whats the charge JUDGE: There's no charge, everythings free!
The Yellow Brick Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 BOB: you can't keep a pig in the house. think of the smell BILL: Don't worry he'll soon get used to it MATRON: Why are you making your patient jump up and down NURSE: Because I've just given him some medicine and forgot to shake the bottle What do you call a monster with no neck The Lost neck Monster
The Yellow Brick Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Where do Dogs go when the loose their tails? The Retail shop Where would you find a reindeer with no legs? Where you left it Two prisoners escaped today. One is seven and a half feet tall, the other four foot three. The police are looking High and Low for them.
The Yellow Brick Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 What washes up on very small beaches ? Microwaves What game is played at the seaside Wizard boarding school Squidditch What do you call a sheep with no legs A Cloud What does and astronaut Have for breakfast An unidentified frying object
Siegfried Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 My father used to say, 'Always fight fire with fire', and that's why he was thrown out of the fire brigade. There was a young girl from St Paul (300th post) More Jokes - Even More jokes Boy: Can you tell me how long cows should be milked How did the Bubbles communicate ? An idiot heard that most accidents take place in the home Still more to come Any of mums leftovers we give straight to the dog. And the dog gives them straight to the cat BOB: you can't keep a pig in the house. think of the smell Where do Dogs go when the loose their tails? What washes up on very small beaches ? Yep, time to close this spamfest.
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