Harriet Slutter and the Philosopher's Balls: Chapter 1

[Wong Wang]

*checks pants as well* Definitely a.... damn I'm too fat to see anything. Must be all the bamboo. Anyway it has been quiet. I only went off to do math for a bit and fiddle with my wand (no, not like that you crazies) and I see nobody has added anything to our lovely conversation. And I thought we were better people than this! Anyway, if somebody else wants to speak up, go ahead. I'm starting to have a mathematical formula for fitting 19 watermelons into a 69 stud container and still have room left over for a few chickens.

[Durmudgelous Krup]

Need help there with your wand? Wong?

Did someone see a dragon? With a muggle? I swear I just did. WAH!!!! Everybody RUN!

[Twatty Tittlesteen]

What's with your wand checking, D?

[Durmudgelous Krup]

We have to be prepared for any impending dragon attack. I heard odor eaters can morph into dragons and blow us away.. Don't remind me. Ugh. Dragons. Ugh.

[Gertrude Tincanchew]

We have to be prepared for any impending dragon attack. I heard odor eaters can morph into dragons and blow us away.. Don't remind me. Ugh. Dragons. Ugh.

Om nom nom. Your wand is pretty tasty, actually. High quality. I bet you could cast a Dontgetblownawayus charm with a wand that delicious. Mmmm. Mind if I chew on it some more?

[Nicholas Dickory]

You might be getting better about that speech thing. That first sentence was hardly a question.

I'd hardly consider myself overeager. My pants are still dry, see? It just semed to me that the conversation was getting more than a little derailed. I understand perfectly well that the first day of these situations are filled with fluff, I just figured we should broach the subject of, I don't know, lynching scum at some point today.

Do you really think I'm improving, or are you just saying that?

You're right in that we should be discussing lynch leads; do you have any?

[Hinckley]

Interlude

You may now vote. You have 48 50 hours to reach a conviction. (Mod note: I'm aware it's two hours early, but I was late getting the thread posted last night and I'd like to get to bed early tonight. )

[Helena Hippopaw]

Oh, gee whillikers, I don't know what we should do I'm just a widdle elephant, I don't know what to make of everything here. sometimes, people start voting for the most chatty people, but they are usually not Odor Eaters. But a lot of you aren't really talking much either, so there are a lot of quiet critters to choose from. I'm going to take a nap, and maybe when I get up, I'll be able to see things more clearly.

[Boris Biddlesdorf]

Do you really think I'm improving, or are you just saying that?

You're right in that we should be discussing lynch leads; do you have any?

I'm just saying that.

No one really screams scum to me right now. I am concerned that we have some members that are choosing to remain relatively silent.

There's been a decent amount of time for people to post a few times. I think that it may be more likely for scum to try to lurk since we can't blame previous behavior for current behavior. It would be somewhat lazy for normally outspoken people to become lurkers to hide as scum but if there's one thing I believe in, it's laziness. It makes the world go round... Or it would if it really felt like it.

Dickory's speech may be impaired,

But for talking at least he seems prepared!

[Nicholas Dickory]

Have we heard from Dillpickle Catterweed yet? Where is he?

To get him talking (hopefully) can I...

Vote: Dillpickle Catterweed (?)

If he shows up, I'll unvote, okay?

I'm just saying that.

You suck, you know that?

[Harriet Slutter]

I hear some more requests for a bum-viewing. I suppose I can oblige.

*bends over*

Boy, with all the stress from being removed from the Pigblister's Express and now being expelled from the school, I could sure use some sausage and applesauce! And I'm just in the right position to receive it.

[Snarky Snickerpuss]

So we're supposed to vote now, huh? Based on what? Who has the worst jokes?

...Don't look at me.

Anyway, exactly where in all this are the "philosopher's balls"? Can someone point them to me?

[Bartholomew Bearbutt]

So, the chatty ones or the quiet ones may be odor eaters. I agree that not talking at all can't be a good though.

*bends over*

I have a big sausage for you, although it's a bit hairy in places.

It's gonna take a lot to take me away from yoooouuuuuuuuu. There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever doooooooooooooo. I bless the rains down in Africuuuuuuuhhhh. Gonna take some time to do the things we never haaaaaaaaahhhaaahhhhaaaaaaave!

Anyway, exactly where in all this are the "philosopher's balls"? Can someone point them to me?

You'll have to look long and hard for them.

[Langston Lionheart]

*Looks up from his studies* *busy kitty lionface *

So, the chatty ones or the quiet ones may be odor eaters. I agree that not talking at all can't be a good though.

I would think the answer is both, Bearty. There can very well be some more vocal Odor Eaters among us, but the bulk of them are probably lurking, since not many day one scum are brave enough to be chatty on the first day. To me, we have a better chance of striking a scum by choosing a lurker than trying to catch a scum slipping up (though of course it's good to keep an eye out for odd statements; in the wizarding poems I've read, that latter option doesn't always end up so swell. That's just my brief opinion on the beginnings of heated lynches.

Sorry, I must return to my studies and healing books!

*back to the books*

[Dillpickle Catterweed]

A merry 'noon thou mammering idle headed clotpoles. Tis away. To be it is that isn't when it was until yet again. Yet, I cannot fathom Helena Hippopaw pretending to give us gain with such ungainly discourse. To mine soul, mine mind, mine heart, hers is surely useless in it's aid.

She subtly plants in the minds of those weaker to ignore those who've been most vocal, as "they are usually not Odor Eaters". I do wonder who she doth come to such conclusions at such early hour. It doth seem to me that the substance of discussion should be first upon our minds, and not the quantity or lack thereof.

And of course, as I am coposing mine thoughts, along comes Langston. I do doubt the very likelihood that Odor Eaters are not among the more conversant of the day. They are sure to lurk 'neath every guise, in a bid to gain some sway.

[Drubulum Panck]

Have we heard from Dillpickle Catterweed yet? Where is he?

I think dear Dillpickle was offended when I said I wouldn't do poultry. Well, it's true, I won't. Poultry and dragons don't mix.

And Doggy boy, Odor Eaters and dragons are not synonymous. Wait until those Odor Eaters see a dragon's golden wand. I tell you, they will run and cry...kind of like what you're doing.

[Ariattny Sugarbottom]

For now, I am going to Vote: Boris Biddlesdorf. There are four reasons for this.

- We really don't have anything to go on yet. We have to start somewhere.

- At the beginning of the day, Boris called people out for talking about Wieners and Counting instead of about catching Odor Eaters. Note that he did not talk about how to catch them himself. I think this very well might have been a move to seem active and helpful.

[Regelius Snoot]

My my, you people sure like to talk about sausages and applesauce.

Oh, gee whillikers, I don't know what we should do I'm just a widdle elephant, I don't know what to make of everything here. sometimes, people start voting for the most chatty people, but they are usually not Odor Eaters. But a lot of you aren't really talking much either, so there are a lot of quiet critters to choose from. I'm going to take a nap, and maybe when I get up, I'll be able to see things more clearly.

I don't think we can really just look at who's babbling the most or least nonsense. It's easy for the Odor Eaters to just talk without substance when everyone else is, they don't need to fear slipping up while doing that, so it's an easy way to appear active, just as it's easy to hide in the shadows by not speaking up much. So that basically incriminates everyone. How helpful

[Looney Lumpylove]

My my, you people sure like to talk about sausages and applesauce.

It is one of our favorite subjects. Near and dear to our hearts. Well, maybe not our hearts, exactly.

Of course flying saucers and the Benevloent Alien Overlords that pilot them are most important.

Oh, gee whillikers, I don't know what we should do I'm just a widdle elephant, I don't know what to make of everything here. sometimes, people start voting for the most chatty people, but they are usually not Odor Eaters. But a lot of you aren't really talking much either, so there are a lot of quiet critters to choose from. I'm going to take a nap, and maybe when I get up, I'll be able to see things more clearly.

For some reason, this strikes me as the scummiest thing I've heard all day.

For now, I am going to Vote: Boris Biddlesdorf. There are four reasons for this.

- We really don't have anything to go on yet. We have to start somewhere.

- At the beginning of the day, Boris called people out for talking about Wieners and Counting instead of about catching Odor Eaters. Note that he did not talk about how to catch them himself. I think this very well might have been a move to seem active and helpful.

It could be a ploy to seem helpful. Or it could have been an OotP member trying to spur his fellow teammates to more constructive discussion. There's no real way to tell at this point. Not that I'm trying to talk you out of your vote. I'm glad someone is trying to use some logic and get the ball rolling.

This morning was a time to post a lot of fluff. Lord knows I said my share. Now that the voting's begun, I expect a lot less fluff and a lot more finger pointing.

So I'll start pointing fingers. Vote: Helena Hippopaw Her most recent post is something I'd expect in the morning, not in the middle of the day. Perhaps she doesn't know what to do because she doesn't want to incriminate her scummy friends, and doesn't want the onus of being the first to vote for an OotP member (he he, member )?

[Twatty Tittlesteen]

OK, I am going to cast my vote later, but I have a lead on somebody. More of a "meh" lead, but it is only day One. This person sent me some really weird messages, and has been acting odd.He's been extremely odd in-thread too. He had tried talking to me incredibly early in the game. I will I'm sure he knows who he is now, but if he wants to make himself publicized, he can. He asked me if I wanted to discuss how to help Harriet. I told him he caught my eye in looking so suspicious by contacting me so he very quickly tried to leave in an "OK, bye! *dashes off*" manner. Then he said that he thought too many people would be metagaming so the scum are going to be less verbal. And he is saying some incredibly odd sounding things in thread, not even trying to help out, it seems. If enough people want to hear his name, or if he comes out, then there you go. Just ask.

[Timly Dimplebop]

Man, this first day is always so difficult. Are they loud Odor Eaters, or quiet OotP, or vice-versa? Bert and I always disagree on these things. Last time we disagreed like this, he wouldn't talk to me for a week. Hopefully that doesn't happen this time.

Maybe I could check all your pipes? That's the only way I know to root out scum.

Well, Bert and I got a job to go report to, but we'll be back later on to see if there has been any progress made.

[Purplonia Pink]

A merry 'noon thou mammering idle headed clotpoles. Tis away. To be it is that isn't when it was until yet again. Yet, I cannot fathom Helena Hippopaw pretending to give us gain with such ungainly discourse. To mine soul, mine mind, mine heart, hers is surely useless in it's aid.

She subtly plants in the minds of those weaker to ignore those who've been most vocal, as "they are usually not Odor Eaters". I do wonder who she doth come to such conclusions at such early hour. It doth seem to me that the substance of discussion should be first upon our minds, and not the quantity or lack thereof.

And of course, as I am coposing mine thoughts, along comes Langston. I do doubt the very likelihood that Odor Eaters are not among the more conversant of the day. They are sure to lurk 'neath every guise, in a bid to gain some sway.

Nice prose!

Helena has a point though; looking back on past 'dreams' you may notice that first lynches of talkative people have hardly, if ever, led to an Odor Eater's lynch!

With the amounf of nonsensical talk that has happened here, it would be very easy for an Odor Eater to hide in the 'talkative' group; bear this in mind!

Do you really think I'm improving, or are you just saying that?

You're right in that we should be discussing lynch leads; do you have any?

Do you have any leads?

At first you encouraged idle talk:

My, my, such an interesting bum scar, isn't it? Not nearly as interesting as my Twatty's though, isn't that right, Twatty?

If you'd done this before, surely you'd know that idle conversation is the only way to start on the first day? Don't be so overanxious, okay?

Then when someone actually says someting about getting serious about catching Odour Eaters, you say:

I wonder if some of the overeager people might be consciously trying to look like responsible members of the Order of the Penis? Do they want to establish their innocence or maybe make it look like they're innocent?

From what I gather here, youa re telling us that continuing to talk about Harriet's butt-scar instead of trying to catch Odour Eaters is the way to go?

[Boris Biddlesdorf]

For now, I am going to Vote: Boris Biddlesdorf. There are four reasons for this.

- We really don't have anything to go on yet. We have to start somewhere.

- At the beginning of the day, Boris called people out for talking about Wieners and Counting instead of about catching Odor Eaters. Note that he did not talk about how to catch them himself. I think this very well might have been a move to seem active and helpful.

It was hardly the beginning of the day. There was plenty of fluff goin' on before I spoke my piece. I'm not trying to seem active and helpful, I am active and helpful. Someone's gotta train them goblins and no one else wants to do it. I gave my opinion on the lurkers, and on the useless fluff that was being spread around.

And really thats your only reason to vote for me. Because I'm not spouting fluff. I'd counter your other three points but they don't really exist, now, do they?

What exactly have you been doing, Miss Counting Cow? I could say your nonsense vote seems as likely to be you trying to seem helpful as my candor was. I don't find you overly suspicious myself, though.

[Purplonia Pink]

OK, I am going to cast my vote later, but I have a lead on somebody. More of a "meh" lead, but it is only day One. This person sent me some really weird messages, and has been acting odd.He's been extremely odd in-thread too. He had tried talking to me incredibly early in the game. I will I'm sure he knows who he is now, but if he wants to make himself publicized, he can. He asked me if I wanted to discuss how to help Harriet. I told him he caught my eye in looking so suspicious by contacting me so he very quickly tried to leave in an "OK, bye! *dashes off*" manner. Then he said that he thought too many people would be metagaming so the scum are going to be less verbal. And he is saying some incredibly odd sounding things in thread, not even trying to help out, it seems. If enough people want to hear his name, or if he comes out, then there you go. Just ask.

Most tangible lead so far; let's hear the name!

[Hinckley]

vote tally

Dillpickle Catterweed: 1 vote (Nicholas Dickory)

Boris Biddlesdorf: 1 vote (Ariattny Sugarbottom)

Helena Hippopaw: 1 vote (Looney Lumpylove)