Quarryman Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 101010 On Speaking of 101010, a few of my favourite quotes: "It's a lot like being drunk?" "What's so bad about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water." "Ford, there's an infinite numbers of monkeys outside who want to discuss this script for Hamlet that they've worked out." "I don't make jokes in base 13." (sorry about the caps lock) for those who love the philosophy of ambiguity One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor... Atheism is a non-prophet organization. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" she said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. What if there were no hypothetical questions? If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Is there another word for synonym? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? are they afraid someone will clean them? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines? How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs? What was the best thing before sliced bread? One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. How is it possible to have a civil war? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you! done? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have "s" in it? Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented? Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god? X-D Since I felt like being nice (and because I strongly dislike caps abuse, I converted them for you :-P and one last quote, not sure who it's attributed to though.. anyone? "Some people drink to excess; I'll drink to anything!" Quote
Norrington Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 I think there may be some verses missing, particularly one about the Alamo... It's only missing the Alamo verse, which goes like this: He heard of Houston an' Austin too; so to the Texas plains he jest had to go; Where freedom was fightin' another foe; an' they needed him at the Alamo; Davy, Davy Crockett, the man who don't know fear! When You Wish Opoun a Star- from Walt Disney's Pinochio ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When you wish upon a star Makes no difference who you are Anything your heart desires Will come to you If your heart is in your dream No request is too extreme When you wish upon a star As dreamers do Fate is kind She brings to those to love The sweet fulfillment of Their secret longing Like a bolt out of the blue Fate steps in and sees you through When you wish upon a star Your dreams come true More wonderful Disney Music coming later. Disney ON! Quote
Corvus Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 Since I felt like being nice (and because I strongly dislike caps abuse, I converted them for you :-P I actually copied it from an email. Did you just retype this, or is there a way to fix this? Quote
Stauder Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 "I don't make jokes in base 13." Tempting... What's 6x9? *Hint*Answertotheultimatequestion*Hint* Douglas Adams On! Quote
UniqueBuilder Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 What's 6x9? *Hint*Answertotheultimatequestion*Hint* 6x9? 54. Math on! Quote
Stauder Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 (edited) 6x9? 54.Math on! Try it in Base 13 ;-) "Im not fat! Im just horizontally challanged" - A friend of mine "Whoops My squirrel is burning!" - Some crackpot roasting a squirrel Edited July 2, 2007 by Stauder@55 Quote
Norrington Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Here are lyrics for some of the best Weird Al Yankovic song in my opinion: Waesel Stomping Day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Faces filled with joy and cheer What a magical time of year Howdy Ho! It's Weasel Stomping Day Put your Viking helmet on Spread that mayonaisse on the lawn Don't you know it's Weasel Stomping Day All the little girls and boys Love that wonderful crunching noise You'll know what this day's about When you stomp a weasel's guts right out So, come along and have a laugh Snap their weasely spines in half Grap your boots and stomp your cares away Hip hip hooray, it's Weasel Stomping Day [sounds of weasels getting stomped on, with bone-crunching and rodent-screeching effects] People love them down the street Crushing weasels beneath their feet Why we do it, who can say? But it's such a festive holiday So let the stomping fun begin Bash their weasely skulls right in It's tradition, that makes it okay Hey everyone, it's Weasel Stomping We'll have some fun on Weasel Stomping Put down your gun, it's Weasel Stomping Day Hip Hip Hooray, it's Weasel Stomping Day Weasel Stomping Day Hey! Canadian Idiot- sung to "Don't want to be an American Idiot" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot Don't wanna be some beer swillin' hockey nut And do I look like some frostbitten hose-head? I never learned my alphabet from A to Zed They all live on donuts and moose meat And they leave the house without packin' heat Never even bring their guns to the mall And you know what else is too funny? Their stupid Monopoly money Can't take 'em seriously at all Well maple syrup and snow's what they export They treat curling just like it's a real sport They think their silly accent is so cute Can't understand a thing they're talkin' aboot Sure they got their national health care Cheaper meds, low crime rates and clean air Then again well they got Celine Dion Eat their weight in Kraft macaroni And dream of drivin' a Zamboni All over Saskatchewan Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot Won't figure out their temperature in Celsius See the map, they're hoverin' right over us Tell you the truth, it makes me kinda nervous Always hear the same kind of story Break their nose and they'll just say "sorry" Tell me what kind of freaks are that polite? It's gotta mean they're all up to somethin' So quick, before they see it comin' Time for a pre-emptive strike! Amish Paradise- sung to "Ganster's Paradise" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain But that's just perfect for an Amish like me You know I shun fancy things like electricity At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm milkin' cows Jebadiah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long That even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine Then tonight were gonna party like it's 1699 We been spendin' most our lives Livin' in an Amish paradise I churned butter once or twice Livin' in an Amish paradise It's hard work and sacrifice Livin' in an Amish paradise We sell quilts at discount price Living' in an Amish paradise A local boy kicked me in the butt last week I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek I really don't care, in fact I wish him well Cause I'll be laughin' my head off when he's burnin' in Hell But I never punched a tourist even if he deserved it An Amish with a 'tude? You know thats unheard of I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool If you come to visit you'll be bored to tears We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years But we ain't really quaint so please don't point and stare We're just technologically impaired Theres no phones, no lights, no motor cars Not a single luxury Like Robinson Coruso, it's as primitive as can be We been spendin' most our lives Livin' in an Amish paradise Were just plain and simple guys Livin' in an Amish paradise There's no time for sin and vice Livin' in an Amish paradise We don't fight we all play nice Livin' in an Amish paradise Hichin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter Raise a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise an udder Think your really righteous, think your pure at heart? Well I know, I'm a million times as humble as thou art I'm the pious guy, the little omlettes wanna be like On my knees day and night, scorin' points for the after life So don't be vain, and don't be whiney Or else my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie We been spendin' most our lives Livin' in an Amish paradise We're all crazy Menonites Livin' in an Amish paradise There's no cops or traffic lights Livin' in an Amish paradise But you'd probably think it bites Livin' in an Amish paradise I'll sue ya! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I sued Taco Bell 'Cause I ate half a million Chalupas And I got fat! I sued Panasonic They never said I shouldn't use their microwave To dry off my cat Huh, I sued Earthlink 'Cause I called them up N' they had the nerve to put me on hold I sued Starbucks 'Cause I spilled a Frappucino in my lap And brrr, it was cold! I sued Toys'R'Us 'Cause I swallowed a Nerf ball And nearly choked to death Ugh, I sued PetCo 'Cause I ate a bag of kitty litter And now I got bad breath! I sued Coca-Cola, yo 'Cause I put my finger down in a bottle And it got stuck! I sued Delta Airlines 'Cause they sold me a ticket to New Jersey I went there, and it sucked! Yeah!!! If you stand me up on a date If you deliver my pizza 30 seconds late I'm gonna sue, sue Yes, I'm gonna sue Sue, sue, yeah that's what I'm gonna do I'm gonna sue, sue Yes, I'm gonna sue Sue, sue, yeah I might even sue you! Ugh!! I sued Duracell They never told me not to shove that double-A Right up my nose I sued Home Depot 'Cause they sold me a hammer Which they knew I might drop on my toes I sued Dell Computers 'Cause I took a bath with my laptop Now it doesn't work I sued Fruit of the Loom 'Cause when I wear their tightie-whities on my head I look like a jerk I sued Verizon 'Cause I get all depressed Any time my cell phone is roaming I sued Colorado 'Cause you know, I think it looks a little bit too much Like Wyoming I sued Neiman Marcus 'Cause they put up their Christmas decorations Way out of season I sued Ben Affleck ... Aw, do I even need a reason? Ugh! If I sprain my ankle While I'm robbing your place If I hurt my knuckles When I punch you in the face I'm gonna sue, sue Yes, I'm gonna sue Sue, sue, yeah that's what I'm gonna do I'm gonna sue, sue Yes, I'm gonna sue Sue, sue, that's right I'm gonna sue you Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! I'll sue ya! I'll take all of your money I'll sue ya! If you even look at me funny I'll sue ya! I'll take all of your money I'll sue ya! If you even look at me funny I'll sue ya! I'll take all of your money I'll sue ya! If you even look at me funny I'll sue ya! I'll take all of your money I'll sue ya! If you even look at me funny I'll sue ya! Ha-ha ha ha-haa I'll sue ya! What'chall think of that? I'll sue ya! Ha-ha ha ha-haa Boo ya! I'll sue ya! Ugh! Ebay- sung to "I want it my way" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Yeah A used ... pink bathrobe A rare ... mint snowglobe A Smurf ... TV tray I bought on eBay My house ... is filled with this crap Shows up in bubble wrap Most every day What I bought on eBay Tell me why (I need another pet rock) Tell me why (I got that Alf alarm clock) Tell me why (I bid on Shatner's old toupee) They had it on eBay I'll buy ... your knick-knack Just check ... my feedback "A++!" they all say They love me on eBay Gonna buy (a slightly-damaged golf bag) Gonna buy (some Beanie Babies, new with tag) (From some guy) I've never met in Norway Found him on eBay I am the type who is liable to snipe you With two seconds left to go, whoa Got Paypal or Visa, what erev'll please As long as I've got the dough I'll buy ... your tchotchkes Sell me ... your watch, please I'll buy (I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy ...) I'm highest bidder now (Junk keeps arriving in the mail) (From that worldwide garage sale) (Dukes Of Hazard ashtray) (Hey! A Dukes Of Hazard ashtray) Oh yeah ... (I bought it on eBay) Wanna buy (a PacMan Fever lunchbox) Wanna buy (a case on vintage tube socks) Wanna buy (a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre, Dr. Dre) (Found it on eBay) Wanna buy (that Farrah Fawcet poster) (Pez dispensers and a toaster) (Don't know why ... the kind of stuff you'd throw away) (I'll buy on eBay) What I bought on eBay-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y Ode to a Superhero- sung to "The Piano Man" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Peter Parker was pitiful Couldn't have been any shyer Mary Jane still wouldn't notice him Even if his hair was on fire But then one day he went to that science lab That mutated spider came down Oh, and now Peter crawls over everyone's walls And he's swingin' all over town La li la, li de da La la, li le la da dum Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man Sling us a web tonight 'Cause we're all in the mood for a hero now And there's evil doers to fight Now Harry the rich kid's a friend of his Who horns in on Mary Jane But to his great surprise it seems she prefers guys Who can kiss upside down in the rain "With great power comes great responsibility" That's the catch phrase of old Uncle Ben If you missed it, don't worry, they'll say the line Again and again and again Oh, la la la, di de da La la, di di da da dom Now Norman's a billionare scientist Who never had time for his son But then something went screwy and before you knew he Was trying to kill everyone And he's ridin' around on that glider thing And he's throwin' that weird pumpkin bomb Yes, he's wearin' that dumb Power Rangers mask But he's scarier without it on Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man Sling us a web tonight 'Cause you're brave and you're strong and so limber now But where'd you come up with those tights? It's a pretty sad day at the funeral Norman Osborn has bitten the dust And I heard Harry's said he wants Spider-Man dead Aw, but his buddy Pete he can trust Oh, and M.J. is all how for Peter now Aw, but Peter, he just shuts her down Mary Jane, don't you cry, you can give it a try Again when the sequal comes 'round Oh, la la la, di de da La la, di di da da dum Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man Sling us a web tonight 'Cause we all sure could use us a hero now And we think that you'll do all right Quote
Khorne Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 "[...]Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it. Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you'd like. 'We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature." :'-) . Everyone should see American History X ... and Pulp Fiction, but especially American History X :-P . That movie is one of the best, IMO. While I'm mentioning Pulp Fiction, here are some of the quotes I love most from that movie: Vincent: You know what they put on French fries in Holland instead of ketchup? Jules: What? Vincent: Mayonnaise. Jules: Goddamn. Vincent: I've seen 'em do it, man. They megablocking drown 'em in that megablock. And Vincent: And you know what they call a... a... a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris? Jules: They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese? Vincent: No man, they got the metric system. They wouldn't know what the megablocks a Quarter Pounder is. Jules: Then what do they call it? Vincent: They call it a Royale with cheese. Jules: A Royale with cheese. What do they call a Big Mac? Vincent: Well, a Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call it le Big-Mac. Jules: Le Big-Mac. Ha ha ha ha. What do they call a Whopper? Vincent: I dunno, I didn't go into Burger King. X-D . Gotta love that movie *y* . Quote
Norrington Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 (edited) Family Guy's jokes about Sex Ed. "Without Sex-ed., kids could end up confused, like Micheal Jackson," *MJ on a Frosted cereal commercial*"The kid in me likes the frosted side, and the Adult in me likes the kid in me." "Did you know that Chris' school dosn't have Sex Ed.?" "Eh, let 'em figure it out the way I did: with a can of Crisco and shot-glass."- Lois and Peter "If you have sex, your immediatly in Al Quida." "OMG! I'm a terrorist!" "Sex turns straights into gays, and gays into Mexicans. See, everyone goes down a notch"- From the Preist they bring to school for Sex Ed. Edited July 2, 2007 by Norrington Quote
Kikuichimonji Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 :'-) . Everyone should see American History X ... and Pulp Fiction, but especially American History X :-P . That movie is one of the best, IMO. While I'm mentioning Pulp Fiction, here are some of the quotes I love most from that movie: And X-D . Gotta love that movie *y* . I like the Marcellus Wallaca/Butch quotes better, but I don't think they're all suitable for this forum :-D Quote
Athos Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 From the movie Secondhand Lions: Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things that a man needs to believe in the most: that people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; that love, true love, never dies... No matter if they're true or not, a man should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in. Steve Quote
Grand Moff Viceroy Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 mine is my signature and "Suspects are guilty otherwise they shouldn't be suspects", and a few others Quote
Corvus Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 "We brake for nobody" -Spaceballs Gotta love that quote. Quote
Lt. Col. Thok Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 (edited) The ultimate comedy quote (from Dodgeball) Dodgeball Instructor: Alright, folks. Now, if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball! Stringy kid: But sir! Isn't that inhumane? DI: No! Training starts NOW! (Throws wrench) *BONK* SK: OW! S**T! X-D I loved that movie! Edited July 29, 2007 by Lieutenant Colonel Thok Quote
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