Help! I went crazy!

[Alcom1]

Let me explain my situation to you right now. I am a 20 year old Mechanical Engineering major in my third year of college. I am currently taking courses at Syracuse University, after which I will return to RIT in the fall, at the end of my medical leave. This medical leave isn't a result of some chronic condition or trauma, this was the result of a psychological problem. Back at RIT around my second and third year, I went crazy. Not raving lunatic crazy, but isolationist crazy, where upon I would skip classes and just lock myself in my room, never to be seen by society, fail my classes, and lose my friends.

Lots of my isolationist time was spent building LEGO digitally. I didn't have any extra money to spend on actual parts or sets, and most of my childhood collection was back home. As such, I got to be quite good at it, the action of putting bricks together to create an aesthetic form became more of, but not entirely a reflex to me.

I also spent a lot of time in LEGO Universe. Data from the game indicates that I spent over 1600 hours playing it, and much of that time was spent building. LEGO Universe also had a bit to do with my bout of crazy, not because it ended, but because while it was active, my attitude towards it, and its attitude towards me, was pushing me to put more and more effort into it. LEGO Universe offered me plenty of goals to meet. It had a Hall of Fame where my property would be displayed as among the best. It had a WBL candidate program that would only accept the best builders on LEGO Universe. The properties where building took place were ordered on lists, where the more popular and more visited a property was, the higher on the list it was. Yet despite my dangerously increasing efforts to build and to improve my ability to build, I kept achieving nothing. I decided to put more effort into LEGO Universe to meet my goals. I eventually wanted to turn my ability to build into a career, so if I couldn't achieve any of these smaller goals, how could I achieve the big goal? So I took the time I could spend studying and being a productive member of society and just... built... stuff like this.

Even after LEGO Universe ended and me meeting none of my goals, I still kept up the insanity. I wanted redemption and to prove to the LEGO Community, with a unique project, that I was awesome. I applied previous experiences with 3D modeling, and later decided to practice putting LEGO into the FreeSpace Open Engine, at first in secret, where I might develop a unique LEGO Space campaign. I worked alone on the project, though stopped a few months ago as I was disliking my current assets, and switched to other LEGO activities related to the Rock Raiders United community.

Now I'm taking summer classes with a lighter load that give me more free time, so that I may frequently enjoy LEGO activities without destroying my time for education and study. It's just that... well I'm scared.

So far I've put plenty of time into learning how to be a better LEGO builder, but there's so much more I need to learn. On the day some opportunity comes for me to apply for a Job as a LEGO Master Builder or Designer, if I mess up on it due to a lack of ability or skill, I don't know how isolationist crazy I might get again. I'm scared and the only way I know how to justify that fear away is to get better at building LEGO.

http://i.imgur.com/baCfCzo.jpg

Also, despite the thousands of dollars I spent going crazy and failing at college, I can't help but to notice how, through the stuff I can build now, how much it might have been worth it.

Edited May 22, 2013 by Alcom1
Please resize your images to under 600x800 as per site guidelines - Thanks

[Faefrost]

If you are having trouble managing your studies because you are falling into isolationist and obsessive compulsive tendencies, you really need to get true professional help. The issue isn't Lego or online gaming or collecting bobble head dolls or whatever. The issue is the fixation and how you respond to stress. The help you need for that cannot be found on the I telnet or in the Lego Community, only face to face with a professional.

As far as your desire to become a Lego Master Builder. That's great. But to really do it right, and give yourself the best chance, step back from the Lego. Take courses in industrial design. Architecture. Art. You go to two of the best schools in the nation for this sort of thing. Learn how to build things in general. That will make the Lego that much better. Also in furtherance of your goal to be a professional with Lego. Practice being a minimalist. You design some nice impressive MOCs, but that's not the secret of what TLG looks for in a designer or a builder. It's designing within a tight set of parameters and budget. Practicing for that may be helpful to you. If you say you are getting back some balance and some free time with your studies, great. Than tightly limit how you use it. Get yourself a timer. Give yourself no more than 30 or 60 minutes a day to design something with a set limit piece count. Be it 20 parts, 50 parts, 200 etc. that might help you bring structure to your studies and your hobbies.

[Alcom1]

If you are having trouble managing your studies because you are falling into isolationist and obsessive compulsive tendencies, you really need to get true professional help.

Between having two parents who are special education teachers, therapists through public school, my child psychiatrist, the special education program at Syracuse University and the spectrum support program at RIT, I absolutely did. I just stopped using it effectively.

Practice being a minimalist. You design some nice impressive MOCs, but that's not the secret of what TLG looks for in a designer or a builder. It's designing within a tight set of parameters and budget. Practicing for that may be helpful to you.

With both my Mechanical Engineering Major and my awareness of LEGO in general, I am actually quite aware of LEGO's design constraints, though I tend to mostly neglect them as digital building has no part limitations. Such models I designed to be absolute eye-candy. I don't build like this all the time though, I have worked up a few models as concepts for potential Cuusoo projects, and have worked under unrelated yet tight polygon restraints for digital projects. Small example of building under the former constraints:

As far as your desire to become a Lego Master Builder. That's great. But to really do it right, and give yourself the best chance, step back from the Lego. Take courses in industrial design. Architecture. Art.

I don't have the money to entirely switch my major, but I do have free electives open.

Edited May 22, 2013 by Alcom1

[Enpaz]

Two pieces of advice:

1) Get a copy of Jean-Paul Sartre - "Existentialism is a Humanism" and read it.

2) With the newfound knowledge conducive to getting your life handled, change your lifestyle and make your life what you want it to be.

I emphasize: this is not a troll post. I'm serious.

Good luck with the rest of your life!

[BrickG]

Let me explain my situation to you right now. I am a 20 year old Mechanical Engineering major in my third year of college. I am currently taking courses at Syracuse University, after which I will return to RIT in the fall, at the end of my medical leave. This medical leave isn't a result of some chronic condition or trauma, this was the result of a psychological problem. Back at RIT around my second and third year, I went crazy. Not raving lunatic crazy, but isolationist crazy, where upon I would skip classes and just lock myself in my room, never to be seen by society, fail my classes, and lose my friends.

Geeze if this is "going crazy" a lot of people including me have "gone crazy" :P.

My current freelance job has had this effect on me (and my first year at college I basically did what you did). Busy busy busy, inside inside inside, no sun!

I currently freeze up and don't know what to say at any social gatherings. Not because I'm shy. My skills at it just died. :)

My "cure" from my earlier trouble where I failed classes and stuff, went indoors never to return, lost friends, etc was... well probably not helpful to you. I fell into a job that lets me continue that lazy self-destructive lifestyle that's in that comic. Get paid well now too :P.