Hey all, I've been wondering this for a bit as I've always used the excuse that whatever set I'm buying is 'for Bella' (my daughter) when really, I love Lego and often buy things I really just wanna play with myself. Today was a perfect example, Bella has a reward program where she can earn little Lego sets, and today she got Olivia's Workshop. She doesn't even fully understand what that means yet - but I loved it, and I loved teaching her all the names for the things in the set (she knew 'chemicals'!).

With Christmas looming, I've decided to get her a bigger Friends set that will be retired soon, but I'm struggling to justify the cost (we're in NZ, so it's silly money really) to my partner and my Mum, and when they say things like "Are you getting it for you or her? She won't know if you get her the small set/knock off/some other junk" I really wish I could say "Yes, it's partly for me, and it's my money, is that a problem for you?" But I am a chicken. :( I don't know what to say to them next month - I'd like to get a Creator Mod set for my birthday - and that'll cost me two weeks wages at least!

I've often heard EuroBrickers joke about their partners 'not understanding' their love of Lego - is there any point in explaining it to them? Is there anything I can do to make them happier about the whole thing? Their attitudes are very discouraging at the moment, I've been building in LDD and that's kind of been tolerated, but I want to brick some things and you know, that requires bricks!

Help?

Thanks heaps in advance - you guys have been so super helpful so far :D

If somebody won't accept you for who you are (and this includes hobbies and interests) do you really want them in your life? I have been in your postion before. Never change who you are to please somebody else...

what Paul said

At the end of the day, it's your call. If buying lego and building sets and MOCs is what you enjoy, you should do it. It's your money, and you decide what to buy with it, and how to spend it. Perhaps, you should point out that building with your daughter is also quality time spent together, and that eventually she will grow up to build larger sets. My bf was to one to re-introduce me to Lego, and he sometimes makes comments on my spending. As for my mum, she thinks I'm rich, not because I'm buying bricks, but simply because I can ''afford'' rent for my flat (and it's actually I'm renting because I cannot afford to buy a flat). With this off-topic comment of my mum's, the point is that the only explaining that can be done is to say how you feel about building with bricks (and with your daugther). As long as that's something you like, they should accept it.

Okay, so as an adult you shouldn't have to explain why you buy Lego. With that said, there is Lego and then there is, well, Lego. Some lego is clearly targeted for AFOLs. If you are an adult collecting Duplo or Friends, well, I might think that you had some 'issues' (unless you are collecting with your child or family as a group activity).

I gave up smoking when I got into Lego. So I could go "stress relief!" and also, it's not as if I was spending any money I wasn't already spending before, but less dangerously. If you have an expensive habit, maybe now is the time for quitting. But I found just being confident and saying, yeah, this IS my Lego, AND? works wonders. More people said "I've got [set whatever] at home!" or "I wish I had Lego, can I see yours?" or even "I might have some I can give you if you like..." than criticised. It can be awkward to "come out" I know, but it'll be okay.

To Off The Wall: Friends is one of my favourite types of Lego, should I be ashamed? I'm not going to be :P

Assume your passion for Lego's ! They can't accept your passion if you feel ashamed about it. If it's hard to assume in the beginning, you can find some excuses : "It's better than smoking", "It's a passion you can share with your dauther" etc...

As Off The Wall shows, you not only have to deal with non-AFOLS who don't understand your hobby, but also the constant negativity of other AFOLs who judge you for liking themes or sets they don't. At the end of the day, though, there's not really that much to explain: it's a hobby, most people have hobbies, most hobbies cost money.

To Off The Wall: Friends is one of my favourite types of Lego, should I be ashamed?

No, assuming you're within the age range shown on the box. And a girl.

Edited December 5, 201311 yr by Off the wall

Just 'admit' to it.... that's what I did.

I've always been a big kid anyway... I've got a lot of friends who are very 'laddish'... Lego would be far far removed from their interests... especially when in a group but they all know that I like the things I like and I couldn't really care less about people's opinion of that.

I have miniature replicas of the first 4 Star Wars posters framed on the wall of my office room at home... people who came round actually said it looked cool. It's just who I am.

Now I have UCS Red Five, Ewok Village, Slave 1, Millennium Falcon and Tie Fighters on display... and now a Haunted House. In a group situation I'd probably get a ribbing from a couple of them for having 'kids' toys but nothing in a bad or derogatory way... lads just like to take the piss out of each other. The important thing is they know I don't care if they don't like it. Same as my taste in music isn't dictated by anyone else... and they like me for who I am and not for who I may try and be.

Besides... I work my behind off all year and it's my one vice... I don't smoke... I'm not out every weekend drinking... so I earn my 'joy', and if that just happens to be danish and brick based then so be it. You'll find that pretty soon nobody gives a toss and you can just enjoy building. I get more earache from my other half as there's now NO room in my office for more but I still want to buy some Modular sets and new SW, LOTR and SH sets.

If anything I actually miss knowing any 'real' AFOLs near me... so my brickgeek doesn't have anywhere to roam free outside of these four cyber walls.

Tragic Banjo just summed up everything I wanted to say in much less words.... sometimes I just like to talk. :)

No, assuming you're within the age range shown on the box. And a girl.

That made me laugh!

Edited December 5, 201311 yr by Robianco

No, assuming you're within the age range shown on the box. And a girl.

������

friends is cool. We just got the city park cafe, should have picked up 2, it's great. But I digress, back on topic:

There are 3 practical approaches:

1 it's a nice way to play with and teach Bella about stuff - this is best as an introduction I think because it nullifies the ridiculous price issue for you

2 yes it's for me (too)

3 suppress it

4 it is not really practical to put hobbies before people when you are a parent so don't do it!

My advice is to go with 1 and then you can get your bridgehead into, this is great, I'm enjoying it too, maybe I should get one for myself. I think this would be easier for you.

Another angle that might work for you is that most toys get junked but Lego holds its value pretty well so the real cost of ownership is actually very low (if you sell it).

Good luck!

Edit: tragic banjo, is that something that really happens? I have never come across it, all my afol friends are very broad minded.

Edited December 5, 201311 yr by robuko

Some people collect stamps, other work on classic cars, some collect cookbooks, some spend their money on music and concerts.

There are plenty examples you can use in your defense.

I have only experienced one negative comment from a non-AFOL, the rest of the comments I have got has been positive, some have send me link about LEGO on Facebook.

If there's a group of people making you uncomfortable about being an AFOL you would always rip out the heart of the one standing closest and offer the still beating organ to the others while asking '... or would you rather build a Grand Emporium?'

I think you'll find nobody would mock the brick-love anymore.

If there's a group of people making you uncomfortable about being an AFOL you would always rip out the heart of the one standing closest and offer the still beating organ to the others while asking '... or would you rather build a Grand Emporium?'

I think you'll find nobody would mock the brick-love anymore.

One of the funnier answers on this thread. My suggestion would be to act as if their opinion doesn't matter. "If you can't appreciate what I do, then I don't think I appreciate how you treat me". If they feel the same kind of rejection you feel, they may gain some sort of empathy for you and if you show them that (without being blatantly rude) that you can live without someone who doesn't appreciate who you are. I'm not suggesting you break up with anyone or cut anyone out of your life, but rather show them that in the same way they don't approve of you, you can return the favor

Of course that's only if things go downhill, to start things off I'd probably just show them that I'm not spending an outrageous sum of money on it, and that you can still devote your time to them then you'll be fine. Show them that you can be comfortable with who you are without changing who they are, and not act as if the money being spent is money that should have been spent elsewhere. If things go wrong don't use my first option (I gave it because that's what I would do in a given circumstance, but it may just harm your relationship), but if things seem rather neutral (they show signs of confusion) then explain what I and others on this thread have explained, it's not a dangerous hobby, and it isn't making you go bankrupt. Good luck and here's to hoping the people in your life are as accepting as the ones on this site.

My advice is, just own it. It's something you like to do and it IS a worthwhile pastime, no matter what anybody tells you. You'll feel a lot better once you've "come out" as an AFOL. But you'll also find that most people will just shrug and leave it if you just say, "hey, this is what I do."

I knit. A lot. Like on the bus and on breaks at work and at movies before the movie starts, I'm pretty much constantly knitting. Let me tell you, if you think people judge you as an AFOL, you should try being a man who knits on public transit. People stare, people whisper, and some "friends" make fun. I'm like, whatever dude. I'm making something useful and unique, and I'm spending my free time creating things instead of just sitting there watching TV or reading comments on Yahoo. What's not manly about that?

Lego may not be "useful", but most hobbies aren't. We do them because they're fun. You are still spending time with your daughter, even if you bought the Lego for yourself. That's a good thing. It's also good that she sees you making things. This is good parenting.

Own your passion!

LukeWarmTea, I wonder why do you have such problem at all. Taking into account what you have stated on your Interests and if your parents accept you who you are - LEGO should just be a minor, "auto-accepted" thing.

Some people collect stamps, other work on classic cars, some collect cookbooks, some spend their money on music and concerts.

There are plenty examples you can use in your defense.

I have only experienced one negative comment from a non-AFOL, the rest of the comments I have got has been positive, some have send me link about LEGO on Facebook.

Okay, but the root cause of the problem expressed by the OP appears to be based on age appropriateness. All of the hobbies mentioned by you are associated on a regular basis with adults. Buying a toy that was designed by the manufacturer for children under 10 clearly raises the eyebrows of some people. Not just a toy, but a toy the actually requires you, or at a minimum suggests, that you sit down and build/play with it. If you are using Lego as an educational tool or as a way to bond with your child, that's great and should be easily recognizable by others. But, if your enjoyment of the Lego product comes across as solely based on your wants/needs...then be prepared for some people to raise their eyebrows and not understand why you would want to collect it.

I have to explain why I collect the 16+ age group Lego products. So, don't be surprised if collecting those geared to a younger audience require you to do a little more explaining.

Of course, if it was me, I'd just say. 'I like lego. You got a problem with that?' Because sometimes the more you try to explain something, the worse it gets. This post may be a case in point..

Okay, but the root cause of the problem expressed by the OP appears to be based on age appropriateness. All of the hobbies mentioned by you are associated on a regular basis with adults. Buying a toy that was designed by the manufacturer for children under 10 clearly raises the eyebrows of some people. Not just a toy, but a toy the actually requires you, or at a minimum suggests, that you sit down and build/play with it. If you are using Lego as an educational tool or as a way to bond with your child, that's great and should be easily recognizable by others. But, if your enjoyment of the Lego product comes across as solely based on your wants/needs...then be prepared for some people to raise their eyebrows and not understand why you would want to collect it.

I have to explain why I collect the 16+ age group Lego products. So, don't be surprised if collecting those geared to a younger audience require you to do a little more explaining.

Of course, if it was me, I'd just say. 'I like lego. You got a problem with that?' Because sometimes the more you try to explain something, the worse it gets. This post may be a case in point..

Even though these hobbies are found among adults, people still raise their eyebrows.

I often use these strategies to justify myself:

- It is comparable to other adult hobbies, e.g. building models or model trains. That often works, especially because I am a customizer.

- There is a world wide community and I participate in contests. Contests seem to make things grown-up.

- It does not happen in front of a computer (ok, it often does).

- It is creative. I have shown selfmade LEGO narratives on weddings (starring the couple) and it was always the single best contribution to the wedding.

- LEGO and reading have made me intelligent. I am more creative and intelligent than the average, which justifies the things that have shaped me.

- It will help me being a father.

- Would you rather prefer I watched football and drank beer?

I tend to avoid the term "playing". It makes peope think I take figs in my hands and make them beat up each other going "piuupiuu, ouch, take this".

Edited December 5, 201311 yr by Wardancer

I usually classify my LEGO hobby as my "vice of choice." I don't smoke, don't gamble, put my "mid-life crisis car" in off-road storage, and now drink significantly less than I used to

As a hobby, LEGO is a lot cheaper than many, such a skiing or golf (at least compared to the spending habits of some of my old college mates).

As a collectable, LEGO's innate quality, widespread appeal and long history means that it holds its value much more consistently than many other toys, media tie-ins, sports memorabilia and other collectables whose after market value is dictated by popular appeal rather than historical rarity (stamps, coins) or raw materials (jewelry).

I like to MOC and am an engineer by training and a former professor by trade, that means, for me, I can also claim LEGO as an art medium, a prototyping device and a teaching tool. Back in the day, I could lecture on LEGO to a classroom full of freshmen engineers and by the end of the hour they would have almost completely forgotten that LEGO _also_ works as a kids toy.

I don't have any kids of my own, but if I did, I'd also point out the importance of family play time rather than babysitting by video screen. I'd mention the key role that haptic feedback (touching and interacting with real objects rather than just viewing them on a screen) as been shown to play in the development spatial relations skills in young children, and, in turn, the role early development of spatial relations skills play in the ability to master abstract math and physics concepts later in life as well as visualization and various forms of artistic exp<b></b>ression. Unlike a video game that a child will outgrow or a puzzle that a child will solve and move on, LEGO grows _with_ your child continuing to challenge, engage and inspire as their interests and skill levels evolve.

So frankly when someone questions why an adult would want to 'play' with LEGO, I wouldn't be embarrassed about it; I'd be more likely to pity them for not realizing what a benefits and comforts can be found in something like LEGO.

Yes, it can get expensive, but what isn't these days? I can't walk out of a grocery store for under $200, but I have a friend who insists on buying "organic" everything; she and he husband (combined) eat less than I (personally) do and they spend two to three times as much, because they _choose_ to. On workdays, I can bring in leftovers for lunch, or I could hit the cafeteria and buy a sandwich for $10 or I could to one of the local restaurants and get a real meal for $30-50 or so (I usually brown bag it, but I have co-workers who easily spend over $200 a week going out to lunch). You can pop down to the Dollar Store and pick up a cheap bottle of nail polish for a buck or you can go into Newbury Street and get a professional Mani-Pedi at the local Mini-Lux Spa for 150 times that. It's all a question of what matters more to YOU than whatever you have to give up to get it.

Everybody makes these sorts of choices every day and it's not really fair for your mum or your partner to call out one particular choice of yours and expect you to "defend" it, unless they are equally willing to look that all the other choices _they_ are making to bring comfort, security and joy into their own lives. If they are like most people, they're too busy throwing stones to realize that they're living in a glass house.

It doesn't have to be adversarial. The people who love you and respect you should also accept you (all aspects of you). You might not make the same choices that they would; you might not have the exact same priorities that they do; but if you're honest about who you are and what you value, the burden is really on them to learn to live with that. There's always room for compromise, but compromise should be born of understanding and mutual respect, not threats or guilt or fear or shame.

That said, I'm one of the lucky ones, I have a VUSOAAFOL (Very Understanding Spouse Of An Adult Fan Of LEGO) She doesn't have much interest in LEGO, but has come to understand that it means a lot to me and she encourages me to embrace my hobby (well, she drops me off at the Lego Store while she goes shoe and purse shopping in the rest of the mall…) She asks that I not be rummaging through polybags in the living room while she's trying to watch the TV and we've agreed that, outside of my study, I can have a small public display space (which I rotate periodically) in our flat but I'm not to fill the whole house with random LEGO stuff. These are compromises I can live with. She doesn't challenge my spending habits (even though _I_ sometimes feel a little embarrassed about many VIP points I wracked up over the years) or accuse me of playing with toys many decades out of my age range. She did question the amount of time I was devoting to MOC'ing on occasion, but after taking her to BrickFair last year (to help put the hobby in context) and walking home with a couple trophies myself, I think she graduated from "understanding" to "appreciative".

I do hope you manage to get things sorted with your family and that they come to realize it's not just a toy or a waste of money. It's an investment in your child's development and your own mental health and if they truly love you, they should be helping you to find joy in that investment rather than stress or shame.

Good luck.

Edited December 5, 201311 yr by ShaydDeGrai

Even though these hobbies are found among adults, people still raise their eyebrows.

Maybe, but not because a 57 Chevy or a vintage BMW says ages 7 to 10 on the box. It's a question of the amount of money spent and not appreciating an old car rather than just thinking someone is playing with age inappropriate products.

One thing that I found helps. There is a behind the scenes documentary about making the television show South Park. I think it's called "3 days to air". In it one of the creators Try Parker explains how he uses Lego as a stress relief and an outlet as part of his creative process for the show. Without intending it as such he gave one of the best public descriptions of what an AFOL is, and how enjoyable it is for an adult.

One other thing on this matter. When someone brings a topic like this to a hobby forum, we have to remember 'context'. What is the OPs life situation? Certainly, in some instances collecting toys designed for very small children can be justified as just what the person likes and nothing more. They need a hobby, it's their money, go for it. However, if a collector is being challenged on age appropriateness or being asked when he gives something to a child 'are you sure that isn't for you'?, then maybe something else is going on in addition to the toys. Not saying that's the case in this thread, but it is certainly something to take into consideration. Is the 'hobby' representative of other immature behavior? Does the hobbyist have trouble with required adult activities like work? Family budget? Taking responsibility? Again, not saying any of those apply to this thread, but you have to be careful that you have the full context of someone's problem/issue. The interest is toys can by symptomatic of other maturity/responsibility issues in the persons life.

So, any definitive response to a situation like this is very difficult in the world of the Internet. We can have our opinions, but we usually have to fill in a lot of the blanks with our own speculation before we reach our respective conclusions.

Edited December 5, 201311 yr by Off the wall

... Snip

At the end of the day, though, there's not really that much to explain: it's a hobby, most people have hobbies, most hobbies cost money.

Sometimes I get raised eyebrows from non AFOLs when I say I build with LEGO, but then I just show them my collection and their eyes get real big, their jaws drop and they say. "That's LEGO?" "It sure is different from when I was a kid", followed by "Wow!" and "That looks just like... whatever it is, I've been there"

My own feeling is I look at LEGO as ... The ultimate reusable art supply for three dimensional art projects.

I don't justify, I just say "here it is", "this is part of who I am, this is how I express my artistic desires/needs".

Andy D

Edited December 5, 201311 yr by Andy D

Hi Lukewarmtea,

Stop being chicken and start being the best AFOL you can be !

I like the fact that you build together with your daughter, you both can enjoy a hobby that is ( sadly ) mostly a mansworld.

I would say to your husband / folks that they should try it themselfs, I find building with LEGO calming ( like a little zen-moment ) .

You shouldn't let everybody get in the way of something you and a hobby, ,you make it fun for your kid to get some kind of reward and making things really positive for her ( and yourself ) in the end.

Have fun !! that is the only advice I want to give to you and your family ( and if that doesn't work , write Dr. Phil just kidding )

grtz Saint